Monday, September 13, 2004

I'm Hellward Bound!

Maybe it's wrong, but my first thought after reading about this gizmo was how to rent out quadriplegics for use as warm pillows. I know. I'm going to the deepest layer of Hell. The layer where they don't even have ice cream and you must sleep in a pool of scalding hot oil. That would be nightmarish. An eternity without Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.


I should point out that this would give the limb-less a sense of usefulness and purpose which might otherwise be lacking from their lives... Does that make it a bit less of a horrific, sick and twisted suggestion? No, probably not. No ice cream for Krankiboy. But I will give them a nice 10% cut of the Rent-A-Plegic profit money. Okay, fine, 15%.

My second thought after reading the article was about the hordes of lonely Japanese women? Did all their Hello Kitty Vibrators stop working all at once? Some will say it's about security not sex, right. Well, I say it's about security AND sex. That's why some American psycho, capitalist, pig-dog, inventors already created the Real Doll. It will get you off AND cuddle you. Yes, for just $6,499 dollars, the price of a fantastic exotic vacation for two you can buy a some full-size sex doll. And I have to say, after browsing through the Real Doll options, some of which are truly disturbing, I honestly can't tell if I would rather have Kaori or Stacey. My birthday is in January! But I'd rather have the vacation and the sex with my "Real Woman"* Sex with real women is a weird fettish of mine. But I'm not afraid to admit it. We didn't have Real Dolls when I needed them most. They could have been a very important "Teaching Tool" when I was about sixteen years old. Maybe poor Clara would have enjoyed more than a quick 45 seconds of hot lovin' if only young Krankiboy had had something a Real Doll to practice on. No, they didn't exist unless you built one yourself. The closest thing we had when I was a horny teenage boy was the female CPR Dummy Resuci-Annie. Annie didn't have that much going for her. She was made of hard plastic and Annie was not a receptive kisser. And poor Annie was the the kind of CPR Dummy with no arms, legs or a lower body, so-- Oh great Satan! I don't believe that my vile thoughts have come all the way around, full circle, and right back to the idea of having quadriplegics in your bed. I've disturbed myself and hopefully others and shall now go and sit myself in the corner with no ice cream. I feel so wrong and yet still feel I need to make a decision on whether I prefer Kaori or Stacey. Who would you go for if you were stranded on a desert island, trapped in Hell without ice cream or just REALLY hard up for a shag?

Well, at least it's all good news for the necrophiliacs.



*And when I say "Real Woman" I mean my lovely wife, Penny. Although some of those male Real Dolls were pretty hung.

2 comments:

Miss Anthrope said...

quadriplegics need love too! i'm glad someone finally is taking note of this.
i think both kaori and stacy are both sub par. i'm not a fan of the asian woman fetish thing but i'd go with kaori if i had to choose.

Anonymous said...

I would choose Kaori too.