Thursday, June 21, 2007

Kids As Entertainment

I'm starting work on Monday. It's a Summer teaching job. There are lots of fiend trips planned so it should be a fun experience.

In that spirit, I thought I'd post some humorous kid pics from the vast Khronicles archive.




Yes, he does taste just like bacon. Sadly, the pig is thinking the same thing. If he was midly hungry that hog would eat the kid bones and all.








I like it. It would be fun to have 20 kids all with hand prints on their head. Perhaps I have the theme for my class summer photo.


She must have told a very funny German Shephard joke. Damn, those are some big teeth. It makes me think of Little Red Riding Hood. Perhaps they're rehearsing a scene from it.

If you have any funny kids with animals pictures please send them my way. krankiboy@yahoo.com

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Chipper

When I was 6 years old I had an imaginary friend named Chipper. One day Chipper decided it would be fun to draw on the walls of the upstairs hallway. My aunt asked me why I'd drawn on the walls and I explained that it was all Chipper's idea. I was apparently so insistent about it being Chipper's doing that she didn't want to burst my imagination so I didn't get in trouble.

I wish Chipper was still around but unfortunately he's serving time in prison on a man-slaughter charge. You think you know an imaginary friend, and then they go and do something like that.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

An Open Letter to the person who broke into my car

Dear Person who broke into my car,

First off let me apologize to you because there wasn't much of value in my car. I feel bad that you had to go through all the effort of smashing my window only to discover that I have nothing but boxes of old books in my trunk. I hope you didn't cut your hand on the glass or hurt your back lifting the boxes of books while searching for something valuable underneath them. They shouldn't have even been in there. I just hadn't bothered to remove them since I moved. You probably saw the boxes and got all excited that there might be something of value inside. Sorry for that, too. I know how disappointed I got on my 9th birthday when I opened what I hoped was a Star Wars action figure and found a pair of dress socks instead. As for the bike rack and the the large pair of butterfly wings that you didn't want. Don't feel bad. What was I thinking even having those there in the first place?

Sorry there was only a tape deck and no CDs. I know that cassettes are outdated and R.E.M and the Police aren't exactly the most cutting edge bands out there. As for the fact that my coin bin only had pennies in it I can only justify that by saying I had every intention of putting more dimes and quarters in there. You were probably all like "Pennies?! WTF?!" That had to be an annoying discovery for you. Please know that I'm just as embarrassed as you were inconvenienced.

If the contents had been more organized you would have had an easier time sorting through them. I take full responsibility for the clutter. As an added benefit you've made sure that nobody else can break that window anymore. It is now truly smash proof. LMAO ;)

Overall, I want to thank you for taking the time and effort to personally evaluate my car's contents. I hope this lackluster experience hasn't soured you on the whole "breaking into cars and stealing stuff" experience. Please give me another chance to stock the car with a better selection of goods. I look forward to working together in the near future.

Warm Regards,

Krankiboy, 1990 Honda Accord (with shattered rear window) Owner


p.s.

I do think you should have taken Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. It's a great read and is just as relevant and compelling today as when it was written.



Monday, June 11, 2007

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

Look, darlin' readers, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm an extremely popular guy. I just happen to have retained my sense of humility and humble dignity through it all. It's not some empty boast either. Just today alone all these people asked to become friends with me. It's 100% true. I seem to have an appeal that draws in all types including, but not limited to....

Artsy B&W College Girls





Sporty Beach Babes
Quirky Red Heads



































Aging Sorority Girls
Girls with Breast Implants
Famous Actresses







































Trashy Blond Narcissist Bimbos


Aspiring Actresses
Asian Orgy Enthusiasts

















Latina Gangsta Girls (if I had a nickle for every time I've tapped onna doze)


































Emo Girls whose parents can be such total "mega-jerks"












British Men






Asian Department Store Models











Now I'm not stupid or naive. I know why these people really want me to become my friends. I'm well aware that they're all trying to get close to me in hopes of gaining my intimate trust and having sexual relations with me. Except the British dude. He probably just wants to invite me to hang out with him in London so that he can get some of my cast-off girlie action. Smart chap.

I understand that being desired is the price of epic blog fame and I don't past judgement on these women and British dude for yearning to be near me in order to feel better about themselves. Look, if I could safely have sex with all these needy women (some exceptions apply) to improve their self-esteem I would gladly do so. But would that really be doing them a favor? Where would they go from there? The rest of their life would be a feeble and futile attempt to match that one moment of grandiose Krankiboy Klimax. To give just a glimpse and then shut the door would be cruel. I'll continue to deny them and keep them at a distance. Hopefully they can channel their raw, lustful urges for me into something that will benefit mankind. Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind.

Dogs Love Their Balls

It's a fact. Dogs love their balls.






This is an Article from the Sydney Morning Herald

Real, or fake? Never mind the busty woman walking her dog in the park - it may be her pooch who's sporting implants.

Some pet owners who neuter their male dogs are opting for a surgical procedure meant to make Fido feel like he's back in the good old days BC - Before Castration.

Neuticles - testicular implants for dogs that look and feel like the real thing - are said to boost a pet's self-esteem by replacing what was lost.It's a procedure that's becoming increasingly popular in New York.

"We did it so Truman could still walk proudly down the street,'' says Penny Glazier, a Manhattan restaurateur, of her 8-year-old bullmastiff.

"We felt it would be good for him psychologically.''

Neuticles are made from polypropylene $US119 ($A144 a pair), solid silicone ($A300) or a liquid-filled ``ultra-plus'' model with lifelike veins $US889 ($A1,000).
They range in size from petite to XX-large.

"It is mostly men who inquire about it,'' says Dr Gina Antiaris of Miller-Clark Animal Centre in Mamaroneck, New York.

"It's really a cosmetic thing,'' says Dr Richard Green, who has performed the operation several times. "Dogs do just fine without their testicles.''

Neuticles were introduced in 1995 by Missouri inventor Glenn A Miller.

Though it took several years for veterinarians to accept the product, Miller claims more than 230,000 pets in 49 countries have been "Neuticled'' at 17,000 clinics worldwide.

The procedure is performed mostly on dogs, but owners have had it done for cats, bulls, horses, monkeys - even an elephant.

For a full 20 seconds I stopped to wonder if my boy dogs feel like something is missing. They're dogs and while I love them compared to (most) people I think they're relatively stupid and don't notice that their balls are missing. The idea of fake balls for dogs is patentely absurd. They're looking to begin with. I was at the park the other day and I saw this Bulldog running and I can say with great conviction that seeing his doggy nut sack bouncing around wasn't some doggy version of Bay Watch. It was just gross. A daschund went to play with the big balled dog and got pounced on. The poor lil weiner dogs was nearly tea bagged by a nad-sack as big as his head. New Yorkers must have developed a new strain of functional retardation to shell out money for such a operation. I'd like $1,100 to shell out to replace dog balls that I paid to have removed in the first place. Neuticles? Why not Castraticles? Or simply Fake Dog Balls. I think I see the Four Horsemen riding over the horizon.


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Measure of a Man


"A man's enthusiasm for a date is best measured by how thoroughly he showers beforehand."


-kb

Thursday, June 07, 2007

God Bless God




Why does the media insist on calling intelligent design an 'alternative' to the theory of evolution? That's like saying pancakes are a good alternative to an internal combustion engine.


Friday, June 01, 2007

Owen is Hawt!


I'm sick of all the women I know saying how cute Owen Wilson is. I'm happy to share this little goodie. Who's hot now?

Word of the Day

Todays word of the day comes to us from Joe.

Necropedaphilia

Get help, Joe. Get help soon.