Saturday, October 09, 2004

How Stupid Are Americans?

I promised myself that I was going to take a hiatus from blogging and not get all riled up by politics. I can't hold this in. I tried. I really truly did, but seeing that George W. Ass Clown use gibberish and math that was fuzzier than Robin William's in a tank top just put me over the edge. I'm sorry if my normally "highly objective" blog style is pushed down into a hard little ball of granite. I only wish I could take that ball of rage and fire it through the throat of that little smirking, babbling Oil Monkey* with enough force to kill him and his entire family of political rapists and poachers. A few words come to mind when I recall Dumbya's answers to the questions from the Town Hall Debate in Missouri last night. Those words to name a few are:
Stubborn, short tempered, twitchy, blinky, smarmy, rude, lies, fantasy, vague, roundabout, irrelevant, and fictional. And it's not a word but Sweet Baby Jesus on a stick how any times did he do that smirk-shrug? Never have I even cared about politics. This is more like the plot of Empire Strikes Back. At least Darth Vader had charisma and was well spoken. Dumbya one several occasions used several words that have no meaning whatsoever. What did he mean when he said we need to make our military more mobile and more "fassile?" Is that a word I don't know about. If it is, my bad. Had a six-year-old said it I would go to the trouble to look it up, but it came from a less credible source, so I don't want to risk the potential Webster's Unabridged related paper-cut that I could suffer.

"Dearest Mr. G. W. Bush I am suing you for damages incurred on numerous occasions that I have had to look up the things you said to ensure that they were in fact not actual words. This research has cause me great emotional strife as well as paper cuts on my fingers. I look forward to hearing from your Lawh-Yers."

Today's vocabulary word is sovereign. But click
this link to have it defined by a seasoned politician. Yeah, they're openly laughing at him. That was the sound that you heard.

Okay, this rant is about to conclude. I just want to express that I would have gladly punched the Dumbya in his face until my arm was bloody and limp. It would have been worth it even if I could only hold onto a pencil like Bob Dole. Okay, I'd miss my angry blog rambles and I'd be in prison for the rest of my life, so maybe I'd be better off joining up with the Activist in California who is on a hunger strike to persuade Mr. Ralph "I'm-going-to-shit-on-any-chance-of-Kerry-winning-so-I-can-get-2.4%-of-the-popular-vote-and-hand-the-election to-Bush" Nader. I think Ralph Nader should go on a hunger strike. I agree that we need another political party in this country, but not at the expense of handing the keys to our Nation back to the Fuckwit who just drove daddy's Cadillac into a brick wall. I want a big number board up in Times Square that shows the number of Dead Iraqi Babies and U.S. soldiers that have been a direct result of AssClown's Cowboy Warlord foreign policy. If Ross Perot Shit in a bag, or Clinton had one of his testicles put into a jar I would vote for both of those items over W. When I go into the voting booth I will be anxiously looking for the button to I press that not only puts Kerry in the White House but also puts Bush and Cheney in front of a firing squad. Where he will be publicly assassinated for his oblivious egocentrism, unprecedented and unfathomable incompetence. Ideally he and Cheney would be stripped alive, stuck on a pikes, have their skin slowly peeled from their body while a little drops of Red Hot Texas Tobasco sauce are drizzled over their raw exposed flesh. The Dickey and Dubya would enjoy a last meal of Ronald Reagan's fecal matter served on a monogrammed silver spoon.

Oh, and also I wanted to mention that I felt Kerry was more effective during the debate.

Either God Bless America or just let it crumble into the ocean quickly and painlessly. Just think of all that beautiful Canadian coast land!

* My sincere apologies to any actual monkeys. I merely meant that W is a less evolved form of life.


Anonymous said...

hopefully not as stupid as Australians.

Sherriff said...

Hey schmoopy-poos, great to hear from you.

Black, black days over here at the moment. Might I suggest if George.W gets in you and your lovely one meet Ms. Fits and in a nicer part of the world and live out our days drinking wine and forgetting that the world is controlled by absolute cockmonkeys.

Let's talk column for sure though peanuts will be your only reward I'm afraid. I do have a great peanut source however and can guarantee only the highest quality peanuts. In fact my motherfucking peanuts will blow your head off. They really are that good.

Drop me a line and we'll work out what to do.


Mallrat said...

yeah, i was gonna say, stuff the american elections, what about the australian ones? but Anonymous beat me to it.