SUPERBOWL SUNDAY

It was raining around noon when saw the poster up at a coffee shop by my friend Dr. Chops' house. Now the poster wasn't clear on the details but it was just down the street and we had to investigate. Okay it wasn't that close, but c'mon, we had to go. It was a purely mycological decision. So already I feel my mind expanding with having learned a new word for the study of mushrooms. Here I was all this time saying "that dude is totally into 'Schrooming! - while I should have been saying. That fellow certainly enjoys the study of mycology.

I used my student ID to save a dollar off admission. SCORE! We stepped into a strange world. There were mushrooms of every shape and size imaginable and old people were wandering about. Plus take a look below. It's written clearly in Black and Pink. Children's Story Readings. But the spelled it wrong as Children is plural you don't put the apostrophe after the s. But I'm obsessing over tiny tiny details. Back to the Shroomfest... Ahem. Sorry I meant the Mycological Society Enthusiast Fair. It's wall to wall old folks inside. So Dr. Chops and I survey the scene looking for somebody who is more "Grateful Dead-looking and less "Grateful not to be dead yet." We find this youngish guy and he has samples of some very alien looking mushrooms. He has SAMPLES out for people to try. So we have a sample and then because we don't want to be rude we wait another... three seconds and have another "sample." I was still not feeling as if I had done a proper sample so I put a few more into my mouth and chew them up while the guy is talking about the unusual stem shaping. I ask him if these are the kind of samples that will make colors brighter. Wink wink. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. Or pretends not to. The Good Dr. is over at another stand talking to an old guy in a fishing hat and wearing a cloth gardening pouch thingie. I'm sure they'll be on the catwalks of Milan any day now. I eavesdrop on the conversation and have a few more samples, while I'm waiting.

Dr. Chops: "I understand that if you eat some kinds of mushrooms you can have like a trance or have visions."

Old Dude: " Well, I don't know, I've never eaten these here, but I understand that they have toxins in them that can cause altered vision or nausea. I don't go in for that myself."

I wander over to the "YEAST WING" do mushrooms have yeast, is that a pun on the West Wing TV show? Other than the gigantic piles of assorted mushrooms on display there isn't a whole lot to see at the WILD Mushroom Fair. There are no kids stories for another half an hour and nothing is happening. Old people and Fungus not the most fascinating subjects. So I think it's probably time to leave so I turn to look for my friend when I... start to feel... floaty. Nice and flooo-teee. I don't know where Chops has gone off to and more importantly I don't know where I'm going off to. The colors start to really pop and I'm just so happy to be inside with all these wonderful people. I feel something rubbing my shoulder and I turn around to find the Doctor there except he looks different, he looks more colorful and I notice all the cool patterns and color flecks in his eyes just amazing patterns. He's talking to me and I realize he's been talking to me for a while but I don't understand a word that he's saying and he's looking at me. I finally make out what he's saying because he slows his speech down for me. "How many did you have?" I don't know what he's talking about. Have? Have what? Oh, the mushroom samples, I had like eight, why? And then I have to go because the patterns on the wall behind him look like they're breathing and I can see what look like modern hieroglyphics moving on the wall and I sit down to really really look at them. I start to glide away from the wall and I realize that I've walked out into the rain, but it's really comforting and cool on my skin. There is a big tree that has this bulbous knot on it and I go off to see if there are any tree people by the tree. These are the little people who you can only see when you're tripping hard and communing with nature. That's the only time they'll let people see them. They're sort of like elf ghost squirrels. I touch the tree and it's so alive feeling and it's happy that I'm touching it and that makes me happy too. So there I am in the rain making a tree happy. But there aren't any tree people around, but wait the bark has a pattern and oh wait, look it's an earth worm on the ground and he's in a puddle and he's going to drown if I don't save him and he's a good worm because he's helps make holes in the soil which is good for my friend the tree so I have got to help this little pink guy out. I pick him up and he gives me a nod of appreciation as worms sometimes will do to express gratitude. I put him down on some grass that isn't sopping and I sit with him and watch as he slowly slowly makes his way back into the earth. He's got an entire ocean of dirt that he can swim through but it's an ocean on land and that's pretty amazing if you think about it. I don't know if I'll get all of this out before I need to sleep. Yeah, I need to sleep. I have to be in bed now. So to cut an already long story short. Sundays are nice and bed bed-night.





As my partner in curiosity Dr. Chops commented. "The smell of wet dirt is palpable." I didn't have a camera and I will now be sure to travel with a photo taking device in my car at all times. Mushrooms as big as a fucking toddler.