I highly recommend having 60 friends who are all 5 and six years old. It does wonders for the ego. They're all invited to my next birthday party. I wonder if they give kids a discount on lap dances? I even got a an early Spiderman Valentine Card.
Then I got my pups, out of my car and sneakily snuck Freckle Dick and Ass Breath through the fence to play with the kids. And there was much rejoicing.
I did the trick where Ass Breath leaps from the ground up to my shoulders and I catch him in mid air! They were strangely unimpressed. Oh, but man-alive, when Freckle Dick sat down on command, that was truly something to behold and there was much applause from the tiny-handed ones.
"I like to sit. I sitted down."
"Ahem! Hello? Did I not just fearlessly jump five feet into the air? I even folded my ear back in the process. I think these small-sized humans must be stupid. No, no, Please. Go right ahead and clap for my brother the astonishing sitting dog!"
It was a warm and glorious day. The sun was shining, mirth was in the air and Spiderman (via card) had just expressed a sincere interest in spending some Quality Spideytime with me. But still, I was feeling strangely racked with anxiety. I think it's always important to stop and thoroughly explore one's feelings and I was feeling... like taking some drugs. Valium can be a very good thing. But only when taken responsibly.* Okay, kids now, go home and tell mommy and daddy what you learned today.
* with red wine on an empty stomach while driving
Posts
7 comments:
i'm sure I've just caught the first draft but i gotta say kranki, you're all over the road like a cute white krankivan with funny steering, and with a red wine/valium affected driver. much going in circles and swerving, swerving, swerving *omg i'm gonna hurl*
i love your dogs. will you bring them when you come to live here?
Is it first draft bad. I said it was random. What's missing? You tell me. I make better.
I'm glad you like my dogs, they're staying at your place for the summer.
I like yer dog. He's got a nice low center of gravity and he's a good size for a perfect lap dog. But still big enough to give lap dances.
Fluffy, I don't think anybody is reading my blog. But on the plus side that means lots of comments and attention for you. What shall I do to boost ratings. Last time I had to post chicks making out and getting freaky. Now what do I do? How do I top that? Ennui has set in. Scratch Zippy behind his left ear for me.
Kranki, people ARE reading your blog. In fact I think people are only reading MY blog because I'm commenting on YOUR blog. You had me at hello, Kranki. You had me at hello.
Zippy has been scratched behind the ear and he wants more. I think he pissed somewhere in the house. I can smell it but I can't find it, even though I smell in stereo for the sole purpose of locating the sources of smells.
The Hell of the Crashing Browser: Sherriff has upped the stakes in his quest to be more than 28% evil. His blog now crashes MS Explorer everytime I try to view it. It even crashed my blog-alert program, which tells me when someone's posted so I don't have to check everyone all the time. That's pretty fucking evil. Worth at least 70%.
Hope you're having a lovely 2am xxx fluffy
Oh Fluffyone,
Perhaps it's his evil wallpaper that's causing the crashing. Some people have had better luck with Netscape. Tech jargon, blah blah zzzZZZZZZ...
My dogs have outgrown their chewing stage but man when they were little 2 kitchen floors and three carpets torn asunder! Freckle Dick doesn't even have many teeth. They make these UV lights that will make doggie wee show up under them. Actually any "bodily fluids." But I'm too scared to buy one because of what I might find. There will be, like, one patch of not puked or peed on carpet and then I'll have to get diapers for the dogs or firebomb the apartment. Right now the pups are freaking out at the window because not more than four feet away two squirrels are getting it on and one looks about ready to blow a nut. There is so much high pitched screaching I feel like I'm at a Beatles concert cira 1964.
You're all over the shop there Kranki, babbling, repeating paragraphs, only different.
Actually, what am I saying.
It's completely Kranki.
Post a Comment