Friday, November 18, 2005

Booty Snafu?

There is something electric in the air that says, blog young man, blog like your life depends on it. I am a big fan of words such as blog that can be used as both nouns or verbs.

Like the word "Fuck."

Since we're on the topic of fucking and sex. Must you always have to drag this blog right down into the gutter and duct tape its mouth shut?

So here is my interesting question that I pose to you. Under what unusual circumstances did you or (if you're a shy pussy) somebody you know, lose your virginity or have a horribly awkward dating experience.

I don't have to share mine because A) It's boring and B) I already posted this traumatic moment. for your entertainment.

So let's make with the sexy embarrassy tell-all mcstories people. I showed you mine now show us yours. I'm throwing down on all y'all mutha-fuckas. Top my titillatingly twisted true tale. Bring it, bitch!


kranki said...


MelbourneGirl said...

hi kranki. i've been busy that's why i'm only here now. it would indeed be hard to top your story. i just managed to unclench my fingers from across my mouth.
um, so what is it? a virginity-losing story or embarrassing sex story? um. well after i lost my virginity i sat on the toilet dripping blood into it, smiling with elation and telling the boy concerned "good on you, you did it." i had a thick hymen. he was worried about me, i was just happy it was done.

is that good enough?

i can make something up...

Clokeeeey! said...

I lost it in the back of my parents car, I was a very late bloomer. I didn't come, so does that count? That night is a story in itself, I won't go into it now.

kranki said...

Um Yes, Clokeeeey! Please do go into it. It's cathartic to let out. Especially in a place where self deprication is hailed for it's bravery pathos and genius. Plus I'll send you a present.

Clokeeeey! said...

Well I might make it a post, it's too detailed and long winded to put in as a comment.
Also, my partner doesn't know the story and I wouldn't feel right telling it to complete strangers before I tell it to her.

Quirkie said...

OK, I was still in highschool, it was the middle of winter, I .... and there's no way I'm going to tell this story.

>runs out of the room shrieking<

>comes back to see if the computer is still looking<

>hides head under armpit<

>notices that the word verification says lukeb. I don't know his name, but I'm sure that wasn't it.<

MelbourneGirl said...

[coughs and looks at kranki with one eyebrow raised]


what about some sort of response to my story.

Sherriff said...

So, I was having sex on a chair in a kitchen. It was exciting and sweaty. We moved from the chair onto the table...sexalicious! Then we moved back to the chair. Then I did that, I'm really strong thing and stood up, holding the girl wrapped around me, and it was in that position that I thought I had reached my happy ending.
Except what I was too discover was, not only had I leaked man juice out the front but in the excitement I done poo. I done poo all out my bum. I found out when as the girl went to the toilet, I lay down on the kitchen floor, only for her to come back and exclaim, YOU DONE POO. It was all over the chair, and all over my botbot.

How's that?

BEVIS said...

Sherriff, were you six?

I'm also feeling a little bad for MG, in that Kranki left her hangin' like that!

Clokeeeey, was it a stick-shift? (Ha!) That's actually a joke that works better in America than it does here in Australia. Although we're generally aware of most Americanisms thanks to the amount of their TV shows and films we get here, whereas Amercians see very little - if any - of ours.

As for my own story, I'm still looking forward to the day ...

Luke B said...

Quirkie! It is I! Back to claim you once again! I have been looking for you for years now. Ever since high school. As I recall, it was the middle of winter. Oh, you already said that.

Well, all other facts about the incident were lost to me after a near-fatal head injury when I was 21. You'll have to forgive me and jog my memory.

PS - This is not BEVIS.

Luke B & Quirkie's Son said...


PS - As above.

kranki said...

MG: Honestly. Why do you have to make everything about sex? Some of us have delicate sensibilities.

Sherriff: You just had to top my number one story with your number two tale.

Clokeeeey! said...

Bevis: No, not a stick shift, just an akward back seat fiasco.

Jellyfish said...

First time was in France, and in love. We still respected each other in the morning (well, as much as anyone can respect me, ie. not much). I know, sickening isn't it.

Embarrassing - I seem to have avoided any real shockers, mostly bcause I usually [content deleted].

My recent wild times in London with Mr Economist-Reader did have a rather awkward bookend however. He left at 5.30am for an international train journey. There was clearly no way I was moving for several hours, so he bid me an awkward goodbye and added:

He: Uh. You'll need the key to get out. There's a key deposit which you get back. You... can keep it.
Me: (mostly unconscious) Oh, god. Are you... paying me?
He:... No!
Me: Zzz.

Cut to early afternoon when I finally emerge from the room in a zombie like state and realise I have no idea a) what part of town I'm in b) how to get home or c) HOW TO ACTUALLY GET OUT OF THE HOTEL.

A good twenty minutes of blind stumbling around the corridors later, I find the exit, collect my 'fee' and emerge into the harsh London weather wearing last nights clothes/hair/makeup. After a bit of dazed wandering I ask someone, 'Um, excuse me. Where am I?', find the tube and do the walk of shame home across London to my friends place, where their four-year asks me, 'Jelly, why does your face look all mushy?'

It's no poo story. But we straight girls have got to get it where we can.

MelbourneGirl said...

i can't decide who wins between kranki and sherriff. clearly no one else. does. unless anyone had their brains leak out of their nose?

actually, i do think kranki wins. at least sherriff didn't shit in her anywhere. that we know.