Thursday, November 24, 2005

Resistance is Futile

If there is a hole to be filled somewhere, anywhere, Capitalism will be there to try and stuff it full of greed. It doesn't matter what their age. Just like a dishonest mechanic who tampers with your car, if there isn't a problem then for the love of Money hurry up and create one so somebody will pay you to solve it.

Personally, I think that anybody who would design such a product should be charged with Statutory Rape. Or perhaps legally it would be considered Pre-Rape. Almost... I can only assume that they will soon launch a series of Starter Pre-Menstrual Tampons for the 4 to 8 year olds. Maybe they can get the Power Puff Girls to be the spokes-toons for this essential item.




Then there will be the Sponge Bob birth-control sponges for youngling gals. It opens up a whole new market. Embrace the future people. This is the greatest invention since bubble gum cigarettes or toxic waste. It's as good as both of those ideas put together!

Bottom line, it's simply going to make your vagina more fun.

They should make some for the 4th of July and New Years Eve that explode sparkles and confetti when you tug on the string. How patriotic is your vagina? Weeeeeeeee! The Colors!

Still skeptical? This is progress! Be open to it. Yeah, I know the concept seems strange and icky and almost violating, but you have to relax and not fight it. Sure, you may find that you are feeling incredibly uncomfortable with the idea at first and it yes, it might even hurt a bit. But if you resist the notion it's only going to make you feel worse. Now be a good little consumer. Just lay back, stay perfectly still, and let the Greed Machine do what it wants. Remember it's all going to be okay, because Capitalism loves you.

14 comments:

Clokeeeey! said...

Dude, I'm a little worried that you are spending a little too much time on the tampon trail....

kranki said...

Hey cool, you got to comment before BEVIS. I hope he's okay.

I was actually thinking that from now on I would post exclusively about tampons and tampon related issues.

Comment is noted.

Clokeeeey! said...

Now you're sounding like a spammer...
Bevis is ok, he's out the back parking his blog multi post but having difficulty getting a spot.
I'm sure he'll be in soon.

BEVIS said...

Here I am. Did you miss me?

Only: I'm here AGAIN.

No seriously -- I commented on this several hours ago, but there was no picture then and I think some of the text was different.

Did you re-post this and lose my first comment? Did you delete it to be funny? Cos that's just offensive.

I really truly commented first on this one too, and if you're telling me I'm not welcome here anymore, then screw you, Yank.

I said something like, "Great. I'm first again." (Something else I forget in the middle.) And then I asked you how long until your flight out to Australia.

I'm weirded out by this - Cotton's whole post (complete with comments by me, MG and others - maybe including Clokeeeey, I don't remember) has also disappeared from his blog since about the same time I commented here before.

Is something going on with Blogger? Do I have the Comment of Death? Are you all ganging up on me to mess with my mind? Am I really not welcome anywhere anymore? Or is it all just some bizarre coincidence?

Clokeeeey! said...

Who is that green guy?

Don't worry about Cotton, he pulled it off coz I accused him of lying to us, just mesing with him. He did it once before with a blog to his mum and sis (I think) after I commented, so it's only his family stuff he pulls away. I await his usual rant back.

As for Kranki's post, the proof is there for all to see. I was first, woo hoo.

Quirkie said...

BEVIS would relate to this poem by Phillip Lopate. I'd link to it but I still don't have the hang of that. Anyway, it's called "We who are your closest friends"

http://www.waveflux.net/archives/000061.php

Chai said...

quirkie, you misspelt 'closet'.

BEVIS said...

Right.

I know when I'm not wanted.

It's been fun.

Anonymous said...

Um, I hate to be one of those wankey lame-ass people who reply all to an email with "this is a myth, it has been circulating for ages", but um, this is a joke website.
So the domain is www.vgg.com/jason/almost/
If you go to vgg.com itself, you discover they are comedians. and jason has his own folder of mock things.

I thought it was real until the flavours thing ... and that one of them is coloured red.
But, what the hell do I know, all the ads show products doused with blue water so .....

Anonymous said...

I thought 'red menace' was going a bit too far.
are you here yet kranki?
-random australian

Quirkie said...

Bevis, I like you more and more every comment I read.

Quirkie said...

Ummm, shall we just chat amongst ourselves til Kranki comes back?

kranki said...

Or you can be nice and invite me over to your place so you can take me out and show me a good time in your island country nation.

I have said it before and I will now say it again. If this silly blog were a TV show Bevis would be my Ed Mcmahon, my Paul Schafer, my... Hank Kingsley, my...

Yes, Bevis, I got some sweet Power Puff Girls, so for the record you were in fact first to post a comment. Better luck next time you others.

Quirkie said...

Sure, you're totally invited! However, you may find that you're on a rather large island, and it is a bit of a hike over to WA. (But, never having been Over East, I feel I can quite ignorantly say that it's definitely much nicer over here. I think we used to be the most isolated capital city in the, wait for it, WORLD), but I could just be making that up for effect.)