God Bless this Mess

Sorry to be the glass-is-half-empty guy but it's really starting to look like the Apocalypse is fast approaching. Judgment Day may soon be upon us.

Now I should mention that under normal circumstances I am in no way a religious man. Here are some of my reasons:

I don’t believe in God or Allah or Buddha or Jesus, or Mortimer the stuffed Hedgehog of Supreme Divinity.

I don’t like the idea of any temple or church that grew rich on the backs of its poor followers by scaring them into obedience. It’s Afterlife Peer Pressure. “Do you want your flesh to forever burn in Hell or do you want to fly around the clouds with wings and a cool gold harp?

I am not big on following rules written thousands of years ago to make my life incredibly inconvenient. There are enough fucking rules in life already. I do however enjoy getting the occasional Jewish Holiday off. Thank you Jews.

Religion and religious conflicts are responsible for more wars and death and conflicts than anything on earth with the possible exception of disease. “What?! They have Different Ideas?! That’s evil, kill them all!”

I much prefer how Science uses observable facts to draw conclusions instead of an old fable about Adam, Eve, a snake, and an apple.

Last Weekend the Baby Jesus and I went out drinking and he got completely wasted and drunkenly admitted to me that IT was all a big scam. He then apologized, quickly paid the bill and took off with that skanky waitress.

Anytime I have put my faith in someone or something important I’ve been disappointed.

I don’t think that talking to a pedophile in a dark, little, booth should somehow wash away your sins.

Okay, now despite all these reasons I still look around at the world right now and I can’t believe what is going on. Is the End of the World approaching? Pardon the pun but Armageddon very concerned with what’s happening.

In just the past few years there has been a giant tsunami that took out well over a quarter of a million people. Terrorist attacks have occurred all over the globe. There’s been a sharp rise in the number of suicide bomber jobs. Rampant genocide continues in many parts of Africa. A record number of massive hurricanes have battered the United States. An imbecile is the Commander in Chief of the free world. The United States has started a pointless and endless war with another country and the world at large hates us for it. And most recently Earthquakes have claimed thousands of lives.

As for me personally… I’ve seen both of my promising career paths sputter into stagnant pools of dried drool and my once very happy marriage recently crumbled to dust faster than you can say selfish cunt.


People wake up! The Earth is mad at us. Mother Nature is PMS-ing and she’s riding that rag hard. If there is a God Our Father entity then he clearly has the attitude of a bratty child holding a magnifying glass over a cluster of helpless ants.

My best advice is to grab hold of the nearest religion you can find and start humping its leg like there’s no tomorrow. If that doesn’t pan out for you then please save me a good seat next to either the fiery brimstone or the pit of eternal damnation.