Thursday, January 27, 2005

Let Justice Be Swift or Saucy

America is the land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. Lady Liberty stands tall for Truth and Justice. Many have given their lives in the name of America. Men and women have perished fighting for the sacred rights that keep our country great and our flag of freedom flying high. For instance in our Judicial system all people are deemed by the court of law to be innocent until proven guilty. That is unless they're creepy looking. The defendant shall be judged by a jury of his or her peers. Or in this case by boneheads like me.

It's amazing how pompous and smug we are about our superior democratic form of government and yet nobody wants to actually have to do the actual work that it requires.

I hope I get a good case. And when I say good I mean either one that takes five minutes of my time or a really juicy high profile scandalous one so I can write a tell all book about it. Something where say a woman's twin falls in love with her sister's husband and kills her sister and makes it look as if they were both killed in a river rafting mishap, cross-country skiing accident or a grizzly bear attack. She then the evil sister resurfaces, posing as her dead sister, assumes her sister's identity and steals her life and husband. And she would have gotten away with it if her grief-stricken mother hadn't found that journal. Oh and maybe the sisters also had a torrid, incestuous lesbian affair. Perhaps if it's a minor crime I can at least write a tell-all pamphlet and have it adapted to a miniseries. But really, my fingers are crossed for the first one. Did I mention that the twin sisters would be crazy hot looking?


la nadine said...


if sam waterston and elizabeth rohm are the lawyers for the prosecution you so have to make spa-orgy eyes at them.

they're lawyers in real life aren't they? law and order is a documentary right?

kranki said...

Yes, they are real lawyers. In fact, they are taped using hidden cameras and don't even know that they're on a hit TV show that has had several spin-offs. There's Law and Order Special Victims Unit and.. okay, well, I know that there are three Law and Orders and three C.S.I. shows. Which one is Rohm? I'll google her nevermind. I bet she's google you if the water was warm and the jets were humming. Continue to be awesome until further notice. kb - out

Burnt Karma said...

What? Noooooo!!!! It's your democratic duty to get OUT of jury duty!
I was called up in 2003, but I got out of it on account of my "high risk pregnancy". Give that excuse a try! It worked for me!

Buck Fudd said...

Fuckin' synchronicity man: I've just been called up for Jury duty too! On the other side of the world! Two people who know each other!...sort of...

But we don't get anything nearly as Wild West as a "Juror Badge".

Elisabeth Rohm is seriously fucking hot. As you've no doubt found out already from googling her.

Jellyfish said...

Um. I really hope you both get out of it, or don't get selected. Courts are horrible, stressful, confrontational places. Sorry to put a dampner on it.

kranki said...

I called up to do my civic duty. They're cracking down over here. They put a night stick in your ass if you don't call to check in within 5 days of receiving the letter.

Plus a wise man once said:

"That which doesn't kill us, will probably still suck serious ass."