Krankiboy in Doggy Style

This is how Snoop would have written this post. I think he's a better writer than I am. For the love of Dogg, you have got to put your own blog or website's url into www.asksnoop.com and see your own blog brilliance Snoopified.
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Below is the Snoop version of this original post. And fuck me, I think he's a better writer than I am.
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Here is da letter I just sent out in today's mail, know what I'm sayin'? Enjoy n' shit.

Dear Sister John 'n Sister Lelepali,

Thank yo' ass hella much fo' taking da time stop by my house da other day 'n visit wit me, know what I'm sayin'? I am sorry that my telephone conversation did not permit me give yo' ass my full attention, know what I'm sayin'? I am hella interested in religious matters, know what I'm sayin'? In fact, I has spent long hours in front of da mirror soul-searching 'n contemplating da nature of Dogg 'n da role brizzle/tha dude has given me along wit da gift of life, know what I'm sayin'? I has put together some questions that I hope yo' ass will be kind 'nuff answer n' shit. I realize that yo' ass are mo' knowledgeable on these matters of spirituality 'n than me 'n I am open yo' wisdom 'n advice." Please email me at krankiboy@yahoo.com at yo' earliest convenience, know what I'm sayin'? I am anxious hear yo' thoughts on these religious matters, know what I'm sayin'? Thank yo' ass n' shit. I hope they pay yo' ass really well at da church, know what I'm sayin'? I think yo' ass’re doing a really gravy job, know what I'm sayin'?

My Questions:

1) Does Dogg has a beard or not? I’ve seen pictures of tha dude's ass wit 'n without." Which one is right?

2) Is Dogg mad at me fo' something I be like or did?

3) Did Dogg write da bible izzall by himself? Has tha dude written any other gravy books?

4) When yo' ass gals aren't out spreading da word of Dogg, do yo' ass ever like party down? Even da most steadfast vessel of da Lord needs ta recharge they batteries."

5) Do yo' ass know that Dogg exists? How? Wass tha dude's favorite color? Will I meet tha dude's ass when I die?

6) If Dogg hates da gays then how come tha dude lets izzall those alter boys get molested by da priests?

7) If yo' ass accidentally kill somebody during rough sex can yo' ass still get into heaven? Just curious, know what I'm sayin'?

8) If Jesus comes back, would that shiznit be okay if tha dude crashed at yo' place?

9) Would that shiznit be weird if tha dude walked in on yo' ass while yo' ass wuz taking a shower?

10) Would yo' ass lock da bathroom door or would yo' ass trust tha dude's ass 'n leave that shiznit open?

I would be hella excited if Jesus came back because tha dude seems like tha dude wuz a really nice person n' shit. My cuz Matty B asked me see if yo' ass know da answers these questions n' shit. They are not listed in da bible or da encyclopedia." Tha dude’s Australian so that’s why some of da questions may seem strange." I don’t think tha dude knows a lot 'bout Religion, but tha dude asked me nicely help tha dude's ass 'n I think that shiznit’s important enlighten even those that live in dark 'n Godless corners of da globe."

Here are tha dude's questions n' shit.

A) What sort of plane did Pontius Pilate fly? I told tha dude's ass I didn’t think that there wuz any planes or even cars or fire back then, but tha dude wanted find out from a really religious person who knows fo' sho, know what I'm sayin'?

B) If alcohol is evil, why did Jesus turn da H-2-Izzo into Wine? And what happened at that party anyway?

C) And why wuz getting Stoned considered a punishment back then? Nowadays we PAY fo' da privilege!

Thanks again fo' taking da time help me learn mo' 'bout da word of Dogg 'n please tell me mo' 'bout yo' church."