A Magical Weekend

It was a fun weekend in which I....

• Went to a tiny Art Gallery Opening of mostly bad abstract cartoon art.
• Argued against the idea that happy people could make good art.
• Ate blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream
• Used my left hand to reach behind my friend Carson's back and unhook his fiance Molly's bra using my left hand.
• Received high-five from Penny as a reward for my finger dexterity.
• Had deep conversation with Penny's reclusive coworker about the various pros and cons of giving women labotomies with a power drill and keeping them around to cuddle with.
• Sat in women's boutique while Penny and other women there talked about me as if I were a trained monkey. "He just waits there so patiently."
• Got sex as positive reinforcement for waiting patiently. This may lead to shopping being used as foreplay.
• Got anxious, panicked and drove through a red light with people already in the intersection. I honked horn to warn them and was justifiably cursed at.
• Got stoned and watched Futurama episodes. The time travel episode was rather confusing.
• Viewed horror movie about killer dogs.
• Wrote advertising copy for killer dog movie.
• Made awkward small talk with drunk guy while waiting to use restaurant bathroom. "Big mirror in here, huh?" "Yup...it is."
• Unsuccessfully attempted to feign concern when the insane neighbor lady next door told me she'd been evicted. "Well, that's gotta suck for you, huh?"
• Was driven around looking for a gallery at night in a station wagon whose headlights would go out whenever the chopstick jammed into the dash board was touched in any way.