Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Call of The Wild

There have been coyote sightings in our neighborhood. Penny noticed a dead, half-eaten cat on the neighbor's lawn. It was a neighborhood cat that my dogs used to like to chase after.

There has also been a rash of little dogs disappearing. Two chiuauas were snapped up by our coyote visitor. I must say that he is a long way from home. The hills are several miles away.

It broke my heart to see several more lost dog pictures up in our neighborhood. It should say "Lost and probably digested by now." All the posters were for small missing dogs, nothing over 10 lbs.

I walk my dogs at all hours of the night so I ordered a stun gun from www.a1safteyproducts.com Freckle Dick and Ass Breath like to roam about and they were particularly curious about the strange new coyote smells in the neighborhood. Curious beyond the usual level of doggie fascination with trees tinkled in poodle piss.

I like my stun gun. Its like one of those bug zappers. I have this compelling urge to shock myself on the arm or leg just so I know how well the sucker really works. Just the electrical crackle it makes when I turn it on is probably enough to make somebody crap themselves on the spot.

9 comments:

BEVIS said...

Try it out on Penny! Try it out on Penny!

(I'd volunteer myself - for a laugh - but I guess I'm too far away. You could always turn up on my doorstep to surprise me, though.)

Hey! If you were to combine this idea with the problem you were facing in your 'Downstairs Love' post from last week, you may be onto something ...

kranki said...

Okay, if I ever find myself in your immediate area I promise to blast you with a stun gun.

Psychopath's honor.

Buck Fudd said...

Your coyote has a wide territory - we've recently had a spate of kangaroo decapitations (seriously) on the outer fringes of Melbourne.

I imagine a coyote is about the same size and weight as an eight year old child, so you should test the zapper on...umm...

MelbourneGirl said...

i think a coyote ate portia de rossi's small fluffy dog in her backyard wherever she was living a couple of years ago.

Anonymous said...

As the coyote in question, I can say it's not that big a deal: the animals in question were pretty bland. I ask your neighbors to brush Heinz 57 sauce on their pets before taking them out of the house. Mmmm-mmm, paw-lickin' good.

You've Got What I Need... said...

Mount Victoria, Australia, has beer swilling kangaroos-- what does your coyote do? I bet he's into pain meds and diet pills. That's why the pups are only half eaten. He does live in the Hollywood Hills, after all. Keep your pups safe, kranki. Although, coyotes make nifty pets.

giggles said...

It was me, not a coyote. You see, when I eat these animals I absorb their power. Soon I will have the strength of ten chihuahuas! Not to mention those fucking Bichons that live near you. Mwaahahahahaha!

kranki said...

Giggles: The strenght of 10 chihuahuas?! Good Lord!

Why can't you just kill animals in your neighborhood?

However, feel free to kill the Bichons across the way from me. They're just yappy little shit machines.

Does this mean I can test my stun gun on you? Please. How much could it hurt. It'll make a great blog post.

giggles said...

I think Johnny Knoxville already covered this territory, but hey, if it's for the blog...