Monday, August 08, 2005

Jury Duty Danger: Starring Keanu Reeves

I fear that I may be tempting fate by bragging about this, but I am far too excited to refrain from pumping my fist in the air and shouting "Yes." For I have dodged yet another day of Jury duty. The dulcet automated voice told me that I do not have to report tomorrow. I actually did that stupid thing that people do in the movies where they spin around in their swivel chair to show how excited they are. Then I accidentally hit my knee on the desk. Of course the drama builds as I must call in again tomorrow to see my fate.

It used to be that you could chuck your Jury Duty notices out, but then they decided to start holding people legally responsible and imposing fines n' shit.

Now I don't want to blow your mind here, but do you think that means that I could, in theory, get called to serve Jury Duty and the case could involved some guy that tried to skip out on Jury Duty.

> Whoa!

I really dig the whole legal process and the serving your country trial by your peers flibbity-floo of democracy, but I think the definition of peers is a bit too broad. That's not really fair. Some Republican Texan Oil Tycoon isn't really my peer. I realize that getting accurate peers would be a difficult task. If one were truly judged by one's peers then the Michael Jackson trial jury would have been made up entirely of Narcissistic former Pop Stars that have had plastic surgery and possess a deep love of chimpanzees.

> Woah!!

It would be tough to get such a group of famous freaks together. How do you find 12 of those? I can think of maybe Boy George... that's about it. Wait, I think he might have a ferret fetish. You get my point.

Now a jury of my peers would have to be composed of leftist, semi- employed bloggers who don't like to go out unless the drinks are going to be cheap or free. Sure it those would be easier to find 12 of those, but would you guys really convict me for one minor, poison dart crossbow... Misunderstanding?

Well, please blow on my dice as I shall roll them tomorrow and see if I can go up 40 Love on the Superior Court. If I do get picked to serve it might make for some decent blog posts.

> ...... Um..... uhhh..... wait. What's my line?


Quirkie said...

Are you mocking Keanu? Mocking? Keanu?

(narrows eyes)

(continues to observe)

BEVIS said...

Duuuuuude! You, like, totally rocked that Justice System, man! Knarly!

MelbourneGirl said...

keanu is a spunk

do you know what spunk means in australia? i hear it's something different in america

MelbourneGirl said...

um but i just read you using the word "bogan" so you must be aussie yourself

am i right? am i right?

kranki said...

Well, I am a yank, not an aussie.

I don't actually know what a spunk means in your dialect.

Here in Americaville spunk is either energy and enthusiasm....

For example

I sure like my new assistant she's energetic and full of spunk.

or a big wad of semen...

For example

I like my new assistant she makes me so energetic I want to fill her with my spunk.

Anna A Spades said...

forty love... serve...


*tries to set up a smash hit backhand volley of puns but can't ace it because its not her racket and she doesn't have the balls so it's not her fault*

*experiences new and funny sensations*


You've Got What I Need... said...

hehe. Bad Pony, indeed.

Kranki, good work on evading your civic duty. I've yet to be caught as well.

now, what was that about your boy band needing my lips? it's been a slow week.

BEVIS said...

Personally, Kranki, I thought your first example (above) worked in both contexts.

MelbourneGirl said...

ha bevis, very good.

in australia spunky means goodlooking. also if someone has spunk they have energy and/or guts

as for the sperm thing, i think it's also used for that as well.

sorry about thinking you were australian. so do you use bogan over there as well? or do you just know australians?

sorry i am being very boring

kranki said...


I am flattered to be mistaken as Australian. I like learning different forms of English it's far easier than new languages but stil makes me feel worldly.

I know more than a few Australians and have picked up a bit of your lingo.

Yeah, stop being boring. There is nothing in your comment that could even get Bevis aroused... much.

kranki said...

Are all you criminal descendents pun-crazed?

Although Anna A Spades: That was rather impressive punnery.

And sexually suggestive which I can not encourage because you are still so young and impressionable.

YGWIN: I would like nothing more than to FEDEX my boy band to your P.O. BOX.

MelbourneGirl said...

i am not a criminal descendant and i am not pun-crazed.

pssssssssssst, bevis... "sperm"

BEVIS said...


kranki said...

Am I going to have to separate you two?

Kier (:P) said...

kieren (London)

sorry but couldnt help but enlighten you guys on the 'English' meaning of spunk!

:spunk 8= - - -

english slang word for sperm

ex: "I ejaculated all over her face"

- I spunked all over her face!

hope this clears it up (literally!), and could deter you all from embarissing situations if you ever visit the sunny shores of 'ye old england'!