I Fought the Law...

It was looming over my head for the entire summer and I pushed it back with all my might, postponing it as many times as I could.

I stared down the barrel of civil service and I heard the trigger click... But the chamber was empty. The gun wasn't loaded. There was no bullet to dodge.

I did not get called for Jury Duty. They didn't call me in. I was ready to do my civil duty as a citizen, as a patriot, as a dude whose name got randomly selected from a computer to be sent a Juror Summons.

I'm almost disappointed that I didn't get chosen. Almost. Being forced to be any place at 8am where there isn't any alcohol or buffet breakfast is cruel and unusual punishment. I didn't get the sense that there would be an omelet chef down at Los Angeles County Court. And certainly no fresh fruit salad and or sweet melon wedges to pile onto your plate. That's really all it would take to get me there and put a smile on my face. You don't have to threaten me with a huge monetary fine to get me to do my duty, you just need to have a variety of warm, delicious muffins.

But it's a moot point now. The Superior Court can suck the salty sweat off my betweenus. I am off the hook for another five years.

It does make me wonder though. Who got put on a jury instead of me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I somehow not worthy to determine the guilt or innocence of another human being? (don't answer that rhetorical question) I actually feel a bit snubbed. What if some fiendish killer gets acquitted because nobody on the jury thinks to double check the forensic evidence? By not having me on that jury they could be putting the lives of innocent people in jeopardy. Some fiendish baby strangler may be let back onto the street to continue his toddler suffocating spree. If only I had been there to dissect the defense attorney's flimsy evidence. But I wasn't picked for the jury. If I'm not put into the fray I can't lead our side to victory. I just don't know what to say to comfort the grieving mothers who've had their children senselessly taken from them by that hypothetical fiend.