Monday, November 15, 2004

What's Wrong with America? A Pictorial

She'll get your Confederate flag flappin' in the wind.

Not sure how the pride of gun ownership relates in any way to the election.

Underage drinking and voting are a deadly combo.

We like to kill stuff. That way they're dead.

John Kerry failed to capture the all important accordian enthusiast vote.

And by the way, Myrna and I are both single and looking. :)
Do you know any conservative accordian players?

I guess Kerry shouldn't have said all those things about how much he hates families. I'm sorry if your Redneck baby comes out a stillborn or deformed. Fingers Crossed. Sweet haircut, dude.

Another Republican and his gun sharing an intimate moment.

Another Gun? Am I detecting a trend?

And from the looks of it, it's a wild rock-out with your cock out party!
Slow down and pace yourselves folks.

Sometimes she lets me stick it in her while we watch the The O'Riley Factor.

"I hate you long-haired hippy freaks. Hey, dude, let's do another bong hit to celebrate Bush's victory!"

You're clearly not cowards. It takes brave women to shave off their eyebrows and draw them in with pencil.

Hmmm... more guns...?

Go, go, Gonzman! You tell those Islamofascist butt-monkeys!

I'm here in the thick, lush, grassy fields of Iraq.

We're proud to belong to a wonderful Church that does all our thinking for us.

Mommy and Daddy am homeschooling me, because it is more better.

Damn, it's the real Captain America! Look at that mighty shield.

Even the Republican animals use firearms and foul language.

Being a republican makes Cheryl feel sexy! Trust me, that churning feeling in your stomach is pure lust."
Skanky Human Troll Dolls From the 80's Beaten with Ugly Sticks for Bush!

I am sorry for touching all those children though.

Get him, Burl, shoot that darkie good!

I am a very well adjusted person, with a deep understanding of domestic and international politics.

Cowboy hat? Check. Shirtless? Check. Barbed wire tattoo? Yup. Enormous truck, loaded rifle and fag-hunting dog. Yee-Haw! "I'll oil myself up and then we're all set, Rex!"

"Jenna, you rule! You got your hands on the best coke, like, ever. It was soo good. It made his cock all hard and numb and he pounded me for hours. Do you have one of those morning after pills? Also I was wondering if your dad needs an intern?

Kiss Fan Turns Out in Record Number for Bush!

Yup, we Americans hate freedom. We want to live someplace where our "leader" just does whatever the fuck he wants! Oh, wait, I guess we're fine here then. Nevermind.

"See, with the bar attached to his head he's easier to hold when I fuck him in the pooper."

I believe all the "men in your life" love you for your huge and bountiful political intellect. F.Y.I. In the event of a water emergency Lorie here can be used as a flotation and fornication device.

Oh, good I was worried the Republicans were low on guns.

"Two things I love most are Monty Python's Flying Circus and George W. Bush." They just go so well together.

"Make sure you have enough guns there, Randall. Bin laden might be sneaking up the driveway right now!"

Send Marvin over and the insurgents will quickly crumble.

There was no political message from her. She let's her body do all the talkin'.

Cool. She's already got her helmet. Send her off to Iraq.

That's funny, none of the Democratic voters posed with enormous rifles.

Or... machine guns.

In the frozen tundra.

No caption necessary here.

"Mother says I look quite handsome in uniform and if I don't come home in a body bag I just might find a girl. Right, Mother?"

Unless they decide to tax sideburns.

Just because I wear a dog collar doesn't mean I'm not a proud Republican.

Red America! How chillingly catchy.

"I am not sorry that my daddy is a pawn of the white man."

"When we grow up we're going to be just like the Bush Girls, but sluttier!"

Okay, but what exactly does that have to do with the gun?

My therapist says he's going to leave his wife and marry me.

I think he's being sarcastic. It's subtle. He gets the prize for human stain I'd most like to see eaten alive by cougars.

The buck stops here! Killing is good for a boy my age.

"Perfect, my naughty Raggity Anne. You looked very political in that photo. Now, what do say we snap a few more shots of you in your zebra thong. And then we'll get some split beaver shots to show off your sexy, red Bush. Ha. Get it? You're sure you're 18, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Cheney, I'm almost 19!"

"Good, 'cause, I'm about to stuff your ballot box!"

Yeah, toooooo baaaad. Now Bush doesn't get to be President of New York. Sorry, that's just the way it works.

Can you sense that a hot and sexy three-way is about to go down? Watch out for paper cuts.

I hope these images help explain who lives in all those RED states and counties. Be proud to call yourself a BUSH Republican? Clearly you're in fine company.


Anonymous said...

Good stuff! I especially like the one with the rednecks and their guns. That one really showed me that all my education, reading about the issues, thoughtfully considering the options and deciding to vote for Kerry was wrong, as he might want to take away our Gunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns!

Love that most of the pictures were taken with firearms, yet no of those with guns were soldiers. I am sure the shots were taken moments after a rousing, PAbst-fueled sing-along of the Lee Greenwood classic "God Bless the U.S.A"

"And I'd gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today..."
("Well, not me, but my neighbor's kid")-- David Cross

Anonymous said...

Great Cross quote. I wish I could have the Lee Greenwood song playing along with the post.

It was so hard to choose which Bush Backers to include.

mscynic said...

I feel for you Kranki. That's some scarey shit.

ms fits said...

I just laughed so hard I wet my pants and co-workers gathered around my desk to point and tease.

kranki said...

So you can read my blog again?! Hurray. Are you sure it was pee and not lady juice? Some of those Right- wing gun nuts are pretty sexy.

Jess said...

Gold, absolute gold. That threeway is gonna be SO hot, you're absolutely right!

I need a cigarette.

Desci said...

Great, great post. Champagne Comedy.

I love all the slutty girls, then all the slutty women, all growed up. Glam.

And all the really relevant, appropriate gun photos. 'Specially the guy peeking outta his blinds, just waiting for Bin Laden to walk past, delievering his paper.

Burnt Karma said...

I am so totally weirded out right now. What's with the kiddy with the dead deer's head resting on the pot plant?

Sorry from Down Under by the way.

Anonymous said...

Fan fricken tastic...

I love that they would do that... seriously. To shit on the sorryeverybody parade. So unnecessary and yet so, so awesome...

Man I wanna move to your country.

Ben in Melbourne.

The guns! The guns! Ha ha ha ha! So good.

Anonymous said...

By the way... is there a link to this site? What's the address? I wanna see more.

kranki said...

Hi Ben. They took the site down. I guess some "intelligent" republican realized that it wasn't such a great idea to show thousands of of mental retards with guns pledging allegiance to Pappa Bush.

It was at

Burnt Karma - The little boy's parents must have thought posing with a murdered deer was a lovely way to show strong support for their president.

kranki said...

I think they're trying to create a new site at

I'm sure it will contain fewer REAL REPUBLICANS. It'll be all swanky with handsome responsible people giving their verbal nazi salutes to their leader.

Puffin said...

hehe this made me laugh so hard and I had to close my email so the boss wouldn't see me looking up political websites at work (public servant). Particularly the man with the goat, "I know what will show the world I am a proud republican a picture of me, with my goat" Of course the world envies the US!

Pinko Paul said...

Im sorry the blog had to end.

Its time to elect a new people!

sugar and spice said...

fuck-ing-hell. i think i wet my pants and shocked all my co-workers.

thanks kranki

Anonymous said...

Ha pure gold, it would be funny if it wasn't so scary.
good to see that in the states you can hold the white house by appealing to gun totting inbred hicks and godbothers.

p.s love those republician sluts

kiz from melbourne

Burnt Karma said...

And while on the subject of deer heads in potted plants, did you notice how neglected the potted plant was?

Now if they just spent more time in the garden, the world wouldn't be in such a mess. Take away guns and give people fertiliser instead. Nobody *ever* killed anyone with fertiliser, hahahahaha.

Brent said...

That kid with the gun was truly worrying

kilbot said...

Great post Kranki... an absolute freak show. Why is that guy groping that girls breast in the third photo down and why are they showing three fingers, surely they mean four years? I'm so confused anymore.

Diana Gallagher said...

Holy shit.

PaxRomano said...

Oh Christ, very funny (your comments) and terribly tragic (those moronic, gun loving twits).

Mike said...

An odd combination of very, very funny and very, very sad.

Great post.

Anonymous said...

[to kilbot]
the three fingers are meant to look like "W" - as in GWB...
Looks like a bad whiter-than-whitey bastardisation of the ol' "Gangsta" East Coast/West Coast hand signs, which are usually given with four fingers, the middle two crossed together to make the central stroke of the E or W....

This site was pretty funny. But made me pretty depressed to be living here. I wish California could float off into the Pacific (leaving Sacramento, Arnie and Orange County behind on the mainland...)


Anonymous said...

absolutely magnificent. The goat with the handlebar sums up Bush voters… brainless goat fuckers!!
I was interested to read a statistical poll that showed the average IQ of a state and who they voted for.
A state with an average IQ of BELOW 100 voted for the biggest retard of them all, above the 100 line was all Kerry.

Another line of coke off the back of the bible Mr President, wash it down with some bourbon and good session in the chamber with Don "Fuckwit" Rumsfeld sticking it up ur butt… coz that's what your doing to the US public and most of 'em are to fucking stoopid to see it. I really hope you die VERY soon, preferably a long painful death involving a knife and some anthrax…..

I'm Free in New Zealand

Anonymous said...

Another Kiwi here.
Truely fun and yet truely sad at the time. I'm sorry you have so many of these tards to endure in your country.

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of RETARDS!!!!

I have to wonder if people did ACTUALLY vote or, if yet again the whole thing set up by Dubya and his revolting family AGAIN. Are people really that dumb that they would vote Bush AGAIN....
Those poor bastards that have to live with that decision for another 4 years, they do know there are other countries that exist apart from America don't they??

kranki said...

I want to wake up stupid and ignorant and oblivious. Baby Jesus can you grant me that wish?

There are some (many) incidents of voter fraud. Like the district in Ohio that gave 4,000 votes to Bush when they only had 800 registered voters. Also the College kids in Ohio who were made to wait nearly 9 hours in line to vote. I don't want to pick at this scab left by the knife in America's back.

Karl Rove Bush's Puppet Master is the twisted genius who ignited the MORAL MAJORITY (a.k.a. die fags die) They went out to vote for their precious religious intolerance and naturally went with Bush. That was the difference in the elections.

Also the other interesting fact is that the company that makes the computerized voting machines (based in Ohio) was one of the largest financial contributors to the Bush Campaign. And the CEO of the company promised that "I'll deliver the Ohio vote to President Bush." But it's all just pissing against the wind here in the land of the Free.

Did anybody find the link with States with IQ scores over 100 and how they all voted for Kerry? If he'd won it would have been a smartspiracy.

Southerners just have more kids, so nothing is going to change.

Maybe California and the North can succeed from the Confederate Union.

Don't worry, I'm sure we'll have this same discussion 20 years from now when Jenna Bush is President.

Anonymous said...

I dont get it, why all the guns?
Confused, NZ

Anonymous said...

On the site wearenotsorry dot com (an attempt to resuscitate the original daft non-apologetic Republican voters' photo site), the first words are "BARE with us ..." Freudian? Or just a spelling mistake?

Alison, NZ

the urban fox said...

Best of all, Therapist-Marrying Republican Girl has her own blog right here! What are the chances?

kranki said...

The Urban Fox: That is so cool. I hope nobody tells her to check out the post. Oh well who cares. Maybe some angry psycho replublicans would be fun to comment with.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm not psycho, but I am responding. Why would I be angry that you posted my picture? More traffic for me, even if it is minimal. You have your opinion and you're entitled to it, just like we are. Did it ever occur to you that maybe someone out there is doing the same to you? So yeah, thanks for the link and all.

Oh I'm sorry, I guess I was supposed to be offended or something. Believe me, it takes more than that. Play nice.


kranki said...

Guess not. Civil discourse how dull and mature is that. I know I'd melt with embarrassment if somebody mocked me. Now the paranoia is setting in. Sorry I didn't offend anybody. I'll keep trying.

the urban fox said...

Hey, how instantaneous was that response? 'Anonymous' blogger must be watching her link stats page like a hawk.

Anonymous said...

*sigh* I have to keep reminding myself that I *didn't* vote for W either time...but...this is getting nasty.

OK, make fun of adults making dorks of themselves in public. They're asking for it. But saying of a couple of little girls holding Bush posters:

"When we grow up we're going to be just like the Bush Girls, but sluttier!"

is a bit over the top IMHO.

Not an anonymous coward.

Tom McMahon said...

W won, Kerry lost, now just let it go . . .

Anonymous said...

I understand that you think only those more qualified than yourselves should have firearms (like tax collectors or government bureaucrats).
I don't understand why you would think normal people would be embarrassed to have them in public.
A firearm, like an automobile, is a powerful piece of machinery. Adults that take the time to learn proper operation use potentially deadly equipment everyday.

Anonymous said...

Its funny how all this anti-bush shit is still going on. Obviously these people have nothing better to do. Congratulations on being one of the problems instead of a solution.
"I am not sorry that my daddy is a pawn of the white man." What kind of racist bullshit is this! I thought democrats were supposed to be for the people, not rivaling up racism. Whoever made this site and wrote these captions really is a bad seed for the democratic party. They obviously have no idea what their party stands for. I bet the only part of the Constitution that they know is "freedom of speech."

kranki said...

Hey anonymous 10:03! This post is well over a month old so you're the one who's out of touch. I see you don't have a sense of humor so I'll explain the caption with the cute black boy. The republicans are mostly white people and are supported by corporate America. Therefore a black man voting for the republicans is giving power to the oppressors. It's not racist, it's a commentary on political and economic oppression. Ask my black friends and they'll probably tell you that the white man is only interested in using them for their own gains. Do you teach in the inner city? Do you visit every site that you dislike and voice your objections or just the ones that hit the mark with their satire. Wait, let me just say that I'm proud of you. Althoug you don't understand political humor that doesn't deter you from sharing your brilliant commentary.

Perhaps this Christmas Eve while waiting you're sitting with your hot chocolate waiting for a visit from Santa you'll get skull-fucked, fustigated and defenestrated by a biker gang. *fingers crossed* xoxoxo

The Rat said...

Excellent series of pictures. I'm not sorry that W won Ohio by 118,000-plus votes. The recount just ended here, thank God.

Jared said...

Ok . . . so let all those Bush-supporting right wing nutjobs fight an illegal war in Iraq . . . send our troops home, then.

Why is it the only people who aren't sorry are the people who don't have to fight for Halliburton?

And who says those people who believe in women's rights don't have morals? Killing innocent Iraqis and lying to the country while you're at it is moral? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!

Fenria said...

You know, there is really only one thing wrong with Those pictures....they were all taken in America!!! Someone needs to gather up all those high minded, tough talking, gun toting, moralistic folks and send them straight to the front lines in Iraq where they belong....I can guarrantee you there would be a whole lot fewer smiles, and a lot more piss stains on crotches if those "I'm not sorry" pictures were taken in Najaf of Baghdad.

Hey you chickenhawk cowards, go fight your war already!

Anonymous said...

Very well put! Fuck you, Moral Majority!

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jon said...

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Anonymous said...

When America becomes a police state, and the fucking citizens who voted towards that eventuality get their just rewards (ie being shot in the face for trying to assert their gun ownership), they will learn they fucked up. Until then (and of course I am praying that doesn't happen) all power to the resistance.

lets hope that guy made a miscalculation in his life task of documenting the decline of the world.... :(

retardkuntry said...

You ARE sorry, LOOK at you all, sorry as hell. haha! Effin' Retards. You're not sorry about Hitler and Poland either, are you? Many of us Americans who have decency are called "Good Germans". You halfwits are just "Germans", and I don't mean any offense to Germans of today, but that's what you are. Hold your nose, slackjaws.

ADP said...

I am no republican, but seriously, you people have no idea what you are talking about. You criticize gun ownership, but what you fail to realize is that these people do not have a neo-liberal elitist education, nor the money to pay a police force that segregates and controls their neighborhoods. Also, their neighborhoods are not four blocks by four blocks. They are counties with fifty miles of dirt road in between the police precinct and their daughter's rapist, who is not an eccentric Northern European white male as the media would have you believe, but some fucking border jumping illiterate from the chihuahua region of Mexico. You people like to talk about guns and gun laws, but who should they really target? Why don't you look at the crime statistics and find out, really, what group of people is toting guns and killing people in and out of their communities, and when you use comparative analysis, remember to remove hispanics from the white category where they often disproportionately affect the realities and ratios of the data. And don't do it conveniently by region because only a fool with no understanding of ethnic demographics would forget that the south is the blackest region in the country. I guess you can't do that because then you couldn't continue to support your fucking half-understood Boazian semantics and all that constructivistic philosophical bullshit that denies the reality of the world, scattering that old liberal house of cards made of nonsense you fools have built on stilts, all over your Kitchen floor, for all dejected suburban adolescents in your household to eventually see. Then you can come down off your race egalitarian high chair and actually see the problems in this country. Hick red necks have virtually no effect on your lives, outside of upsetting you that they do not support pro-environmental activism and gay rights, which your states generally ignore anyway, by passing your own laws on such matters. You want to know what's wrong with America, look in the mirror. Liars and charlatans filled with false perceptions and no true knowledge of the statistical actualities of the country; that is what is wrong with America. Until you want to face the truth, stop excusing it. Accept the truth first, and then start treating it. It is scary for you to look for the cause of American decline because you might run directly into your own faults and shortcomings which you have been cleverly evading your entire lives, leaving you with nihil understanding of progression and correspondingly, nihil personal development. Go, keep mocking red necks. Stupid hick Americans built this country and are responsible for your quality of life today. It wasn't built by bullshit artists sipping fucking tea and criticizing big business, and skimming money off the top while eroding away at its own countries economic competitiveness and its people's happiness, one selfish decision at a time(It is bound to catch up to you, then we will see how righteous and contented you are). It was built by men who used those corporations for the success, improvement, and progression of the country and its people. So keep exporting wealth and jobs to the third world and keep giving aid to those who destroy your quality of life, and keeping kicking straw men(literally) like cowards while they are down, until there is no one left to kick. It's always harder to face the truth. Lies are always more convenient. Then, please have your own children reap the "benefits" of your own shortcomings and sick ideological lies and faulty seems that they are about to.

ADP said...

Oh, and they are the ones fighting for your liberties and protections. Stupid, gun toting, moralistic hicks protecting you and your family. Pretty ungrateful...pretty sad.

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gakcAmerica is doomed! You people all hate each other. Is that the definition of hell? Good luck to you all.

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