Thursday, November 18, 2004

Please, Just Hear Me Out.

Look, I'm going to be honest with you my dear readers. Why? Well, (even though some I've just met some of you) I find myself developing strong feelings for you. I was delighted with your response to "What's Wrong with America? A Pictorial" You seemed to really enjoy it and it was great for me, too. However, now that I find myself in the spotlight I feel this pressure to deliver something really entertaining. I'll admit it. I'm having blog performance anxiety. I love you and I don't want to disappoint you. I'm afraid that I'll start working on my next post and a) I just won't be able to get it up. It'll be soft and you'll be unresponsive. That'd be embarrassing. Or I'd get myself all juiced and lubed up to deliver a knockout, toe-curling, post that would send you into multi-orgasmic fits of laughter - your appetite would be wet and then a few sentences into it I'd blow my blog load and you'd be left feeling utterly unsatisfied. You'd leave the post to clean yourself up and then never visit me again.

So... If you care and you want to make our relationship work you'll take away all the grand expectations and let our blog bond develop naturally... organically. All I need is some kind of token gesture from you. It doesn't have to be a permanent committed link. We both know that nothing lasts forever. I don't want to own you. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow and find that you've left. Just promise you'll give our blog a fighting chance?

Visit me, cuddle me and make me feel safe and I know that the raw blog juice will flow like a mighty river. I'm not asking for blogmonogamy here. I know we both want to see other blogs and I think that's healthy. Just give me a sign. Show me that you'll be back for more. Take the pressure off. If you do then I promise I'll do all the little things it takes to keep our relationship fresh.

Here's something I saw while window shopping. It's just a token of my affection. I didn't make it, but I saw it... and it made me think of you. I hope you like it. Go ahead, open it.

You are the wind beneath my wings...

Love, Krankiboy

Bird Grabbing


Jess said...

We *heart* you Kranki. Don't be frightened.

Sherriff said...



*smells something familiar on the cuffs of your pyjamas*

*loves that too*

la nadine said...

blog performance anxiety is something we all go through every so often (or every 5 minutes of you're as neurotic as me). i hear "they" are actually working on anti-blogpressants for this very purpose.

I LOVE YOU, KRANKI BOY. pure, unconditional, tingly on the inside love. i have since the first moment i inhaled your words.

and now that you have quoted my song - which i have instructed my nearest and dearest must be played at my four weddings and a funeral - i love you all the more.

the spa is filling and we're all waiting for you to arrive.


tealou said...

Blogmonogamy? HA!

ANd here I was thinking that I could just call you when I felt like some action. Damn unflushables. hehehe.

Seriously though, don't worry about it. I am used to the majority of my blog hits being for less than 5 seconds because people have stumbled accidentally upon my site whilst searching for something like "I hate America" or "George Bush is a wanker" or "Atkins Diet".

I just write to fill up my empty, soulless days, and hope to have at least 100,000 words of wisdom to pass on to my daughter when I am dead. lol.

(Nar, seriously, sometimes the blog anxiety does set it, because when I write a really good entry (like such profound things as my vacuum cleaner salesman rant), I feel the pressure to come up with something good.)

Of course, the easiest way to overcome said blog anxiety is to just write crap.

ms fits said...

*dons cheerleader's outfit*

*begins bouncing encouragement*

sugar and spice said...

a cyber gift for you...

be careful not to spill any cybercoffee on your pj's though.

Puffin said...

in order to express my undyling love and commitment I have put a permanent link to you in my blog. given that nobody reads my blog this is mainly a symbolic gesture but I mean seriously given that this is mainly a one sided relationship and you refuse to admit your true feelings for me in a public forum then I don't know what more you can expect!!!!

Burnt Karma said...

You're a pity whore too! Well done!


Everyone else is getting kind of sleazy and just that bit too cute for words, so i'll just sit back here in the corner and sip my napoleon brandy and never get my lips wet.

Anonymous said...

stick with it, kranki, if only to leave us with the image of ms fits's bouncy encouragement. just write whatever you feel. i mean honestly, who here can say they have never written a crap post?


Anonymous said...

I've just found you via Ms Fits. I'm halfway through your archives and I intend to keep going.