Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Classy Video Games

Video Games are just getting more and more lovely.

Thanks to Burnt Karma for spotting this distasteful video game article that you will now want to click and look at her post and the game in question before reading the rest of this post.

I certainly hope this tasteful company also puts out a video game called Jesus Re-crucified. You can torture the son of God and try to inflict MAXIMUM PAIN points. Just don't kill him before he has time to suffer for mankind's sins! Happy crucifying! Or perhaps an interactive game where you can play Nancy Reagan and slowly try and control your husband as his Alzheimers Diseased brain turns him into a walking vegetable. I didn't mean to equate Jesus with Reagan. I think Jesus was a rather rad dude with some genuinely good things to say that have been twisted and sharpened and used to justify the killing of millions of people over the centuries here on beautiful planet Earth. Reagan was a vapid dick who said what he thought people would want to hear and most people bought the Russia is an Evil Empire talk. Jesus was a hippie love preacher before there were even hippies. Ironic because if he did come back I don't think he'd be too keen on how he's being advertised, packaged, and sold.

Other ideas for Offensive Video Games:

Crawlspace! You get to play a serial killer. Bury the bodies where they'll never find them. Chop Chop!

Dust in the Wind: Sabotage the The Space Shuttle Challenger Explosion

Roe verses Wade: Fetus Fight Frenzy

Death at the Drake: Assassinate John Lennon

Lil Blubber Clubber: Go on! Bash those baby seal pups and nab some pelts.

Necrophyliac: How many cold hot corpses can you bang at the morgue?!

The King is Dead: How quickly can you kill Elvis with fried peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches and hard core drugs.

Kittycat Crunch or Dog Pounder - Compete to catch and kill the as many defenseless animals as you can.

Lizard King Jimmy! - Help Jim Morrison to Fuck his Mother ruin his career and then Overdose.

Bloody Good Play: Put a bullet through Abe Lincoln's skull.

M.L.K. versus the KKK The peace-loving activist Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. battles the Klu Klux Klan!

Insane in the Cobrain - Speed up Kurt Cobain's mental depression so he'll blow his head off with a shotgun?!

And of course there's Sim Holo-Cost: Who's concentration camp will make the most money.

The game I'd actually like to see is called Bush-whacked! And when I say "game" I mean live television event.

Happy Thanksgiving! Or as the Australians call it Happy Friday!


Burnt Karma said...

you've really given this a lot of thought.
I reckon there's a market out there for your Lil Blubber Clubber.

tealou said...

I know that I was certainly disappointed when "THe Passion of Christ" didn't come with a Happy Meal toy and Xbox game.

(Roe v Wade - HA!)

the urban fox said...

I think you can expect a fawning phone call from Rockstar any day now. Good work.