The Regular Olympics Are Special, Too.

I did some much overdue screenwriting with my friend and compatriot Justin Foster. Is that a crappy fake name or what? Sorry, Justin. We wrote a little bit of something that will hopefully make us rich as Saudi Princes. Nobody else in L.A.has thought to write a screenplay, so I'm 100% sure it will sell for at least 600 thou. Then he wanted to get stoned and he did and I continued to work and then he went a little to high so we bagged the writing and flipped on the Olympics. I liked it. It's always great to see what matching outfits the poor athletes have to wear. One group, I think it was the Russians were all dressed like used car dealers from 1981. Powder blue sport jacket, matching pants and a fat green tie. I got nervous just before the U.S. team was about to appear. I swear, I thought that the Americans were going to get booed when they entered the stadium. That would have been embarrassing. The ceremony was very Cirque De Surreal and I liked it. Also I had no idea that you could win a gold medal for windsurfing. They talked to Allen Iverson who is well, he's a good basketball player, and he has a flair for drama. Let's leave it at that.

Naturally we took a beautiful thing like nations coming together in the spirit of peace and unity and degenerated to commenting on which female athletes we'd want to have sex with. I'd like to do some floor exercises with that one. Overally it was two thumbs up for Italy's Female Athletes and 2 thumbs way up for the Greek Female Athletes. Who knew. But it raised an interesting question. How many Greek women get knocked up while all these hot athletes are in town? How many Olympic Babies are there? I know if I go to the gym twice in a week my "energy level" goes up, so I can't imagine all that estrogen, testosterone and plain awesome physical specimens all in one place at the same time. After your event is over I'm sure you're in perpetual party mode after that. As Justin so eloquently summed it up. "Do you realize how many Athenian women are going to get fucked by Olympic athletes? The Olympic Village is essentially the world's most heavily guarded ultimate swinging singles resort fpr hardbodies. I wonder if they'll be selling any Olympic Babies on eBay in nine or ten months. Those would be expensive. Even just a regular, plain, healthy, white baby can cost up to 75 thousand dollars. Maybe I'm in the wrong business.

Oh, and when did Del Harris become a communist. You're saying, "Who the hell is that?" Del used to coach the Lakers before they got good. He also coached Hakeem "the dream" Olajuwon and the Houston Rockets back in the 80's. But here are four hundred plus Chinese marching in red with a sea of black hair and in the middle of it all is white-haired Del Harris. I thought "Oh, my god the Giant RED invasion has begun, the Chinese have Del Harris." I was calmed somewhat when Bob Costas explained his affiliation. Apparently he's coaching the Chinese team of his own free will. Which is strange because he's not Chinese. Not even a little bit. I guess you gotta go where the work is. I'm still keeping an eye on him. Then we went off imagining who the sentimental long shot of this year's games might be. We were hoping that there would be some morbidly obese Canadian guy who had somehow made it as a platform diver. No such luck. But wouldn't it be great to see a huge splash that actually soaks the judges and fans Sea World style. Clyde, "the cannonball" Carlson has shocked the world, capturing the bronze medal! It would look like a depth charge going off in the pool. Then our conversation degenerated even more when we started making jokes about badminton players. The birdie thing they hit with the rackets is called a shuttle cock. And being the juveniles that we are, we had to make a few jokes about that. "Look as he just pounds away, smacking that shuttle cock all over the court." and "Look at that focus! I've never seen anyone so aggressively attacking cock. He's in certainly not afraid to pound that cock over the net." Etc... It never stops amazing me how when you remove women from a group of guys the conversation and maturity level just go right into the gutter. I imagined that my wife, Penny was off at some bar with her girl friends using inappropriate vagina humor. Is that a genre of humor? Well, it should be. Anyway, the final lighting of the torch, which didn't look at all like a big smoking Godzilla-sized joint, was an impressive sight and there were so many fireworks upon gigantic fireworks upon gigantic-er fireworks that it made you want to say,"Okay, planet Earth, get over yourself." If there is any extra-terrestrial life watching us from anywhere in the galaxy they definitely saw the fireworks and we've already gone and made a bad impression. Nice job, Earth. Then I knew I had smoked too much when I got the idea that there should be an animated reality show about the Gods from Greek Mythology. It'd be called, like, Mt. Olympus, yeah, and... it would be awesome. You know, like, The Smurfs but with Gods. Or maybe it would be the gods when they wer all babies. I don't remember much after that. I may have walked the dogs, I'm not 100 percent clear sure. We made sweet juicy man love and then Justin went home. I like to write those sorts of things because it will make Justin uncomfortable if he reads it. It was really just some harmless heavy-petting.