As some of my close friends know, I suffer from a biological condition; one that has gone undiagnosed for many, many people. That condition is called "Hangriness." No, it's not an official medical term, but they way it manifests itself in me it should be. This is how I define Hangry: When you become so hungry from low blood sugar that you begin to get angry. My little sis-n-law coined the phrase. Let me show you how it can occur. On one quite notable occasion my wife and I were driving in the car and talking about the fact that I was getting a bit snippy with Penny (then, just my girlfriend) and there didn't seem to be any discernible reason for it. One of the other things about Hangriness is that it convinces you that something else is making you mad. You go into denial about being Hangry. You become convinced that something else is making you angry. It's a sneaky condition. Poor Penny. She realized too late that I was hungry. She was on the phone chatting with her mother as I was driving, and, not knowing the severity of my condition, she was trying to casually "discuss" where we could eat. I saw a pizza place to our right and said "there." Penny made one of those "I don't feel like eating that" faces. Now, remember she's still talking to her mom, who I've been trying to make a good impression upon. Well something inside me snapped and her mild-mannered boyfriend completely lost it and began to BEAT the dash board with his fist and scream "CAN I GET SOME MOTHER-FUCKING BREAD STICKS?!" She was quite startled and had to explain to her very concerned mom that I was rather hungry and it seems to have affected my mood. Later I discovered that Hangriness runs in her family too. That explains why she didn't instantly leap from the passenger seat of the moving car and run off sobbing that very second. Or maybe it was because I was driving her car. By the way, the Pappa John's bread sticks were delicious. Later, when we wrote our wedding vows for our ceremony we had the judge say. "Do you promise to love him and cherish him, in good times and in bad, in sickness, Hangriness and health." She agreed.
Do you have a story of Hangriness that you'd like to share? You're not alone. Remember the first step is admitting to yourself that you have a problem. The second step is using that problem to make others feel sorry for you and then taking advantage of them.
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3 comments:
It was awful. His head spun around and fire spewed out of his mouth (and he did this all while driving my car). Please everyone, make your loved ones aware of the early warning signs of hangriness so this does not happen to you.
Here are some symptoms:
1. a gnawing feeling in your stomach.
2. an irritability that you can't put your finger on.
3. a growing hatred for everyone around you.
4. an annoyance with all moving objects
5. an annoyance with all stationary objects
6 initial complete denial that you are hangry or even hungry until you are about to kill someone or even a cute puppy dog.
If you notice this in someone else, please get them food immediately. Even if they are acting like a complete asshole towards you. They will be very nice and appreciative afterwards. If you are acting like that recognize what it is and try, try not to punch someone.
Penny
I cry when I am hungry or tired. My shoe could come untied and it will send me into such an angry spell that I will end up sobbing on the floor. Or someone will say something to me and I will take it wrong and hit them as hard as I can (and then cry because their comment hurt my feelings). It is good to have a granola bar or something near by at all times.
After writing my ludicriously-long comment in your post dated 17th August, I'm almost hesitant to begin typing here again in case I've already over-commented my welcome. But I guess you can always remove the comments and blacklist me from the site...
I just wanted to say that not only did you post such a brilliantly spot-on description of this previously-unnamed and (to our detriment) long-unidentified problem, but you posted it on my birthday.
Excellent!
As a fellow sufferer of Hangriness (I have chosen to capitalise* the 'H' intentionally because it is most deserving of being treated like an immediate pronoun), I was very grateful to you for bringing the matter into the light at last. It has been sorely missing its due recognition, and I trust that members of the world media (who undoubtedly read The Krankiboy Khronicles, because clearly the most intelligent and good looking people do**) will bring the matter to the attention of the general public. Perhaps your own beloved Surgeon General over there could make some speech or order some sciencey-type people to begin some research or something like that, so we can study the effects of Hangriness and launch some kind of campaign to "educate, not irritate" people as to the dangers of Hangriness.
Reading the above posts, Penny could clearly head up the research department with tales of yore, and you could be the Poster Boy for the whole thing. Wearing a loincloth, if you like.
Anyway, I promised myself that I wouldn't write too much this time, so it's especially hurtful when you realised that you've lied to yourself (and worse still, that you fell for it - again!), so I'll go now.
BUT I'LL BE BACK!! ... unless you remove me ...
* I choose to spell the word correctly because I'm an Australian so I write using the English language, not the American mutilation thereof. No offense intended. (Well, OK, maybe a little offense intended, but not in a vindictive, nasty, yucky way. I love America. Please don't bomb me.)
** And so do I.
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