Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Sages

The Boy Wonder was kind enough to drive me to the home of Mrs. Abbas to retrieve my bag. When I got to the apartment I was met by her incredibly sketchy teenage boys. The youngest kid was about 11 and invited me into the house. The middle brother was about 15 and asked why I was there. I began to explain that their mother had found my bag on the train and was kind enough to call me. She found Ms. Fits' number scrawled on the back of a boarding pass. If she hadn't looked so closely and been so thorough she'd have had no way of reaching me. Bless her kind heart. The oldest kid looked about 17 and picked up on my accent.

Big Bro: Where you from then?

Me: California. Los Angeles.

Big Bro: Wow, no way, that's where I'm going to go.

Little Bro: He wants to be an actor.

Me: (nodding and smiling) Okay then.

Mid Bro: Is California near Hollywood?

Me: Yeah, Hollywood is part of Los Angeles.

Big Bro: So Los Angeles is in Hollywood?

Me: Hollywood is a part of the city of Los Angeles.

Mid Bro: Which part?

Me: Hollywood. Hollywood is an area inside Los Angeles.

Lil Bro: You idiot, Los Angeles is big.

Mid Bro: Bigger than California?

Me: Is you mom coming back with my bag soon?

Big Bro: Yeah, she's getting it from up the room.

Lil Bro: What was in it?

Me: My camera, a t-shirt, some papers, and my ipod.

Mid Bro: Oh shit you have an ipod!

By this time Mrs. Abbas has returned with my bag and I am anxious to make the scrawny stooges a memory as soon as possible. I'm hoping that the Boy Wonder has kept the car's engine running.

Big Bro: You are lucky. How'd you get an ipod?

Me: I bought it. Actually it was a gift.

Lil Bro: You soo lucky. Mom, why'd you call this guy?

The Lil Bro is unable to control himself and reaches over for my ipod and "pretends" to steal it and then smiles. They are not making me comfortable but I want to give Mrs. Abbas the bottle of red wine I brought to thank her. I saw that Mrs. Abbas was wearing a berka and headpiece. Oops. I offer it and suggest that she could give it to some friends.

Mrs. Abbas: No, no. No wine. Muslim. All friends Muslim.

The next thing I remember was getting my bag and thanking her for her kindness. Were I religious I would have said a little prayer to smite the children and spare Mrs. Abbas from their unique brand of mental retardation. As I excused myself to leave the oldest son leaned over to me and took the bottle of wine from my hands. Mrs. Abbas was not happy, but I was almost out the door when I saw the youngest boy turn to his brother with the wine and announce. "We are going to get so pissed tonight."


And i do believe they will. Thank goodness for Mrs. Abbas. I can't imagine what would have happened if the little cretins had gotten their hands on the bag. All praise onto Allah.

7 comments:

BEVIS said...

FIRST!

BEVIS said...

Don't feel too bad for Mrs Abbas ... it's her fault her kids are like that, after all.

She made her bed - let her lie in it (and swing wine from the bottle).

I thought it was nice of you to take a bottle of wine to thank her, and nicer still that you realised your mistake.

It almost makes up for the pig-headed assumption that everyone drinks alcohol, but you still come out ahead in my book. :)

fluffy said...

As you still have Mrs Abbas's address maybe you could send her a card to say thanks again and sorry about the wine. Maybe include a prayer hanky or something, er... muslimish. Maybe best consult a muslim for correctness.

sublime-ation said...

You are v. nice to giving her the bottle of wine....I've consulted one of my friends whose in the know Islamically speaking and she said don't get something specifically for her like flowers cause you don't want a jealous husband on your hands, get something for the whole family...she suggested a hamper, you could get one on Smith St for $2 and fill it with nice food, some figs, cheese, chocolate etc. I'm sure Ms Fits being the foodie she is would know where you can get these things...Means going back to the house of the backward geographically challenged children, but it would be a nice thing to do.

MelbourneGirl said...

nah kranki. the gesture was good. some muslims drink wine, so whatever. next time, think chocolates. those don't offend anyone. just not liqueur ones...

fluffy said...

If Islamic dietry laws are anything like Jewish dietry laws (kosher) then food is really not a good idea. Mrs Abbas will be entering the kingdom of Allah or whatever for returning your iPod so if you think about it she owes you.

sublime-ation said...

Muslims aren't as strict about their food as Jews, except during Ramadan when they fast...although it depends what country they come from...anyway the moral of the story is: Mrs Abbas is v nice and so is Kranki.