Look, Kranki-friends! It's my lovely, little, cyber-wifey, Virtual Penny! Yes, that's right just like the real Penny she does virtually nothing I tell her to do. Yes, she really does hover high amongst the clouds while balancing her cellular phone on her foot. She's talented.
I highly recommend that you find yourself a sugar momma like I did. She is a smart, sexy, creative, intuitative and strong woman. The only real drawbacks aside from her having her own opinions that are sometimes quite different from my own are:
1) She will not sleep if she has seen a spider seen in the room at any point during the day or night and won't allow me to sleep until it's dead or relocated.
2) Penny throws really, really hard punch. This would be good but I've never seen her punch anybody but me.
3) Expects me to iron my own clothes despite my obvious condition of severe ironing retardation.
4) Doesn't let me linger in the toy section of the Drug Store even if I find something really cool.
5) Won't let me put things I find on the ground into my mouth.
6) Gets uptight when I shoplift* something that is clearly way, way overpriced.
7) Stubbornly refuses to be the one who puts the DVD into DVD player.
8) Takes me out every Sunday for three and a half hours to look at houses that either suck or are much to expensive for us to ever afford.
9) Uses my razor to shave her legs and clogs the damn thing up with hair.
10) She's beginning to realize that she may have made a horrible mistake by agreeing to marry me.
* For the record, I have never been caught stealing anything. This is either due to the fact that I am devilishly clever, smooth and sneaky. In fact, I could easily be a world class international jewel theif if
a) I wasn't so scared of heights.
b) was in better physical shape and
c) knew how to do the technical stuff like when you have to open up one of those metal box things with the numbers on it.
It could be that I've never been caught because the items I use my five finger discount to acquire are generally of little actual value to anybody over the age of seven.
Well, I'm going to go and take a nap before bed. Don't be a stranger. And if you are a stranger, you can introduce yourself to me. Although I will not get into a van with your or accept candy that you try to give me.
Posts
7 comments:
I wonder if you stole something that Penny wanted and not something that Kranki wanted, things would be different?
i love virtual penny!
I find virtually Penny curiously attractive. Is that wrong?
she punches you? that's awesome.
if you weren't opposed to hitting girls and/or people with glasses, i suppose you could punch penny back....though if she packs a hard punch, i'd hate to see what else she'd have up her sleeve in retaliation...
I love her glasses. You are a lucky man, Kranki. Especially since she can talk through her shoes, throw a punch, whilest maintaining her DVD ethics and such.
Post a Comment