I have decided that I am going to tell people that I suffer from a rare affliction called, Voluntary Tourets Syndrome, so I will be excused from cursing at anybody, any time for any reason. "Sorry I said those things about your girlfriend. It's just my V.T.S. acting up again.
I have decided that if somebody steps into the intersection at night wearing dark clothing and I hit them I am going to drive on and place all the blame on natural selection.
I have decided that I am only going to drink top shelf quality vodka from now on.
I have decided that I spend too much time hating things that I can't control.
I have decided to turn my stereo on very loud when I am away from home to annoy my downstairs neighbor every day.
I have also decided to shred any mail of his that comes to me by mistake.
I have decided that I am going to take some drugs this Halloween.
I have decided not to go dressed as Napoleon Dynamite.
I have decided that when my wife says. "I don't like men with big muscles," she is just lying to make me feel better about myself.
I have decided that it is wrong to stuff my dog inside a pillowcase and swing him around simply because I find it amusing. In the future this will only be done in an emergency situation.
I have decided to stop asking people "How you doing?" If I really don't give crap how they're doing.
I have decided not to trust Blogger's Spellchecker.
That's all for now.
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6 comments:
I'd decided to be nicer to my dogs too. Untill the pup found the empty beer bottles I'd hidden in the shed and dragged them up too the back door. I don't think my wife was convinced that it was the dog with the drinking problem.
"voluntary turrets Syndrome"
Um... so your going to have a voluntary battle platform mental disorder?
Anon: I truly hope your puppy can get his drinking problem under control. He's already done the hardest part. By dragging the bottles out for you to see he's admitted that he has a problem.
(Insert some sort of "hair of the dog" related pun here)
Sponky:
I'm going to stick to making jokes using onyl the 17 words that I know how to spell careketly.
Yes! I just don't want to suffer from Ass Burgers Syndrome.
Hey, most girls I know, me included, like lanky better than muscley. I really, really don't like muscley.
I am the Mr. Universe of lanky!
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