Yours in Safety

Okay, I got this email below. I didn't make it up. I'm not that talented a writer.

krankiboy, following is a story how the Pepper Pager was used. At the end of the story, you will find a bonus offer just for you.

Kim loved spending time with the kids at the community center. She remembered how important her mentors were to her when she was growing up, and she enjoyed the chance to give something back. The only thing she didn't enjoy about her volunteer work was trying to find a safe parking place in the neighborhood. Some nights, she really understood why so many of these kids were at risk. At the same time, she wanted to project an air of confidence and security - she couldn't let any of her kids see how nervous she was. That's when she discovered the Pepper Pager. The Pepper Pager looks like a standard pager - the kind that many business people clip to their belts. Instead of delivering important messages, the Pepper Pager protects its owners from dangerous attackers by concealing up to twelve bursts of debilitating pepper spray.

One night, while heading back to her car after a late session, a haggard man accosted Kim on the street, demanding money. She tried to walk past him, but he kept blocking her path.

"What's your hurry?" he asked. Another man strolled out from an alleyway behind Kim.
"Hey, Jake," he called out, "this girl's in a hurry!"

Kim pleaded, "Just let me pass, guys."

Jake mocked her, crying, "Just let me pass," in a sing-song voice. Jake's friend reached out to grab her.
That's when she grabbed the Pepper Pager from her belt and sprayed the attacker right in the eyes. As he screamed in pain, Kim spun around to see Jake lunging at her. She blasted a second shot of pepper spray at him, which sent him tumbling through the ground. Kim ran up the street, hopped in her car, locked the doors and dialed 9-1-1. Within minutes, two less criminals haunted that neighborhood.

Yours in safety, Ron http://www.a1safetyproducts.com/

First of all... Wow. A pepper spray powerful enough to send a person "tumbling through the ground." I want one.

Okay, I fully accept that the entire story is both rivetingly suspenseful and completely true and I plan to purchase several hundred Pepper Pagers immediately or perhaps even sooner. I do have a few questions about the story.

Was teasing and sing-song voiced mockery included on the list of criminal charges in the case against Jake and Jake's friend?

How do you prove attempted assault/rape?

It never said if Kim was wearing something skimpy or slutty, so I don't know whether or not "she was asking for it."

I don't get why Kim would choose to work in a neighborhood that is both dangerous and "haunted." Those poor kids.

Lastly, who the fuck still uses a pager? This is state of the art technology for 1987.

Does anybody know what the moral of the story is? To me it seemed to suggest that it is unwise to be friends with anybody named Jake because they could be a bad influence and or rapist buddy.


P.S. krankiboy, you can get your own Pepper Pager today so you can be prepared to defend yourself against attackers up to ten feet away. Visit: www.a1safetyproducts.com/pepperpager.html. We have the Pepper Pager on sale for only $11.17! P.P.S. If you order within the next five days, I will give you aFREE 32-page Pepper Spray Tactical Use booklet...a $5.00 value. Just mention FREE Pepper Spray Booklet in the comments box when you check out. Don't forget... if you don't mention FREE Pepper Spray Booklet, we won't know to send it to you.

Thanks, Ron and thanks also for being mine in safety.

I will sleep well tonight knowing that there is a Tactical Use booklet for this criminal stomping spray.

WARNING... TANGENT:
Back in college we had a campus safety meeting where a police lieutenant came to our dorm lounge to talk to the students about what to do if you are attacked. What I remember clearly is that he was old, he reminded me of Archie Bunker, he spend a lot of time looking at the girls chestal regions. His two pieces of advice about what to do if somebody tries to rape you were:

1) The girls should try and get themselves to throw up on the guy because that would "kill his mood."

2) They should not attempt to fight back at all because they could be hurt. They should yell for him to stop and if the rapist does not stop then "they should just lay back and try to enjoy it."

He was truly one of Boston's finest.

Then he gave his card out in case we needed to contact him with any "questions." But he said that he only had enough cards to give out to the girls. Most of the young women looked as if they were going to either cry, or stab him in the throat.