Thursday, June 30, 2005

RoboMaid - Fuck the Future

The future is here people and it wants to clean you floor and scare your pets.

See the future HERE

What the fuck am I going to do with my French Maid outfit with the peek-a-boo nipple zippers? I probably can't bring it back now that I've worn it a few times. The fish nets are a bit shredded from when I... they're a bit worn, let's leave it at that.

RoboMaid? How hard is it to sweep a floor? What kind of pathetic lazy piece of crap is going to pay to have their floors cleaned by this thing. My maid does a much better job and she even does dishes. If you think being Krankiboy's housekeeper is a sweet gig, then you probably just escaped a war-torn impoverished country in South America. Do they want my house keeper to starve so they can sell some god damn remote controlled flying saucer? This is America and we sure as hell don't want to hear any innovative ideas, it just makes more work for everybody.

Robo Maid? Didn't anybody see the movie Runaway with Tom Selleck and Kirstie Alley? And the enormous talents of Cynthia Rhodes. Who? Yes, the Cynthia Rhodes. I bet you didn't know that she was famous. Well her website says otherwise.

Anyway, for the 0.04% of you who did see that 1984 Sci-fi epic. Weren't those little robot spiders scary as all fuck. And how about the nanny bot who took the baby hostage. It makes you paranoid if you think about how much computers know about you. It's just like when you get a big dog you always want to ask yourself "If this computer turns on me can I take him?" I fear that my blog will one day become sentient and no longer need me any more. It will just put up whatever self-indulgent crap that it wants to pretend is somehow quirky or clever. But I know that you, my loyal readers... I know that the three of you will be able to spot a change in the writing if my computer began to blog instead of me. Right? Okay probably not.

So here are some things to look for to if you suspect that my blog has begun to write itself without me.

(1 Excellent spelling. That would be a giveaway.

2) An absence of run-on sentences that are too long and try to include more than one idea like some literary scooby sandwich all pressed together where it has no business being.

3) Consistancy of a continued thought so that when you read... you know I have this little stuffed dragon by my keyboard. I bought at the store and it's so freaking cute, anyway I'll have to write a post about it.

4) Brevity. If you should see that my posts are concise and funny and don't yammer on like a narcissistic radio DJ on crack that is a good sign that my blog may have just taken over.

5) Some kind of original type of humor and or poignant thoughts. Like, oh I can't think of anything.

Gonna go do a google search for robot porn now. Wish me luck.


And yes, this post was written in the future.


Anonymous said...

OMG you're in the future! So, your silver jumpsuit with diagonal stripe: Chafey, or not so much?

- Desci xo

kranki said...


The future is glorious. You know that thing you thought that they'd never invent? Well they did!

As for the jumpsuits, they're not as chafey as I'd usually like, but the TWO diagonal stripes are radtastic.

Favorite perk about the future:

I can legally have anybody I want cloned and have sex with them.

Downside # 1: I miss eating food that is in non-pill form.

Downside # 2: That Liv Tyler clone I had sex with, won't return any of my calls.

Upside #1: Emperor Bush says that we are winning our war against the robot Dolphins.

Margarita said...

I'm scared

wildcat said...

well...not so surprising really, when you consider there are remote controls for EVERYdamnTHING! it never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much "they" say obesity is an epidemic, "they" continue to help us "catch" it...

Ukulele said...

You had me at Cynthia Rhodes