Thank You for the Cumshaw!

My new favorite word is cumshaw. Fustigate has been moved down the list to #3 right behind girth.

I have a special fondness for words that sound extremely dirty but aren't. I sub-taught today at a school I haven't subbed before. Let's call it Falsewood Avenue School. I did work at Falsewood Avenue about two years ago in an enrichment program so I knew several of the kids. There was one particular kid who I will call Buddy. Buddy was that annoying, insecure fat kid who always wanted to get his way. He would moan in at a decibel level that started out like a fog horn but quickly rose to a pitch that not even dogs could hear. He always had a thin layer of dirt on his face and had chocolate or some other delightful looking food crusted on the corner of his lips. Buddy, was the only kid that I truly, truly disliked and the only kid to ever show up to ruin otherwise cheerful dreams like the bully who knocks over your nearly perfect sand castle before your friends get to see it. The next day at school I actually told Buddy that he was not allowed to visit my subconscious. He had no clue what I was talking about but he never appeared in my dreams again. At lest my subconscious understood the rules. I pulled Buddy aside one day and gave him a lecture. It was a pretty good lecture and it actually hit home with him. I told him how he would regret being disrespectful to people because he might need something from them someday and they will remember how rude and disrespectful he was towards them.

So today, when I rounded the corner to pick up the Falsewood 4th grade class, it was truly magical to see the look on Buddy's face when he realized that it was me, his most hated teacher who would be running the show as his teacher for the day. The phrase "his jaw dropped" was coined for just such an occasion. He was extremely well behaved, and because the other kids saw that the annoying Buddy was a bit scared of the teacher and acting like a angel, I had their full and undivided attention without having to utter a word.

I also had a kid who would speak to his imaginary friend Todd. It was so strange because the other kids treated this kid's imaginary friend like he was truly the class mascot. They would ask questions about Todd and if Todd liked watching Shrek 2 and which was Todd's favorite part of the movie.

Getting back to my original thought which was several hundred words ago. I wanted to relate that while reading a short story out loud to the class I stumbled over a word, which I rarely do when reading aloud. Clearly the drugs are catching up with my mind. "Run, brain cells, run!!!"

It wouldn't have been a big deal except that instead of reading the sentence as it was written - "What do you mean, when you say can't?!" I missread the dialogue and, in a loud and clear voice I said to to the 9 and 10 year old girls and boys... "What do you mean when you come say cunt?!" Only a few of the kids recognized my slip up. I quickly scrambled to cover my mistake and read the next few lines of dialogue with as much excitement as possible so as to try roll right past my enormous Tourette's-syndrome-Freudian slip-and-fall. It's a tad bit better than when, during a bugs class for kindergarten kids, I casually said to the teacher who I was assisting that "That scorpions tail looks fucked up!" The teacher looked up at me with shock and said "What did you just say?!" Not realizing what I'd just said I repeated myself a second time. Louder and slower.

Please, as a cumshaw to the Khronicle readers, share a favorite word or two of yours. Because sharing is caring and caring... just tell us some of your favorite fucking words you scabie-ridden cockholsters!

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TTTSC*


*to tired to spell check