Rumors or Trumors?

At 3:08 PM, Freelancer said...

Oh I larfed and I larfed! But seriously, Kranki-Wan-Kantanky, you must have connections in the No Karma Zone... What would you say to the rumour that Yoda's been peddling about town since Oprah was a boy..."A Big Gay Al, supposedly this Cruise is..."


Well, a reliable source told my friend's cousin's aunt-in law that Yoda once trained Cruise to be a Jedi, but ever since Cruise turned to the Dark Side (during the filming of Days of Thunder) Yoda and Yoda's publicist have been trying to brand Cruise with the closet queer label. Personally I don't care where Cruise sticks his light saber.

What I can say about rumors is that they have a remarkable way of being true. Rumors are what separate us from the primates. Without rumors all we have are facts and facts are boring. Here, I'll prove it.

Did you know that the United States has 5.8% unemployment which is some of the highest since 1976. See boring and depressing. We need rumors.

Here in the No Karma Zone we don't even call them rumors. We call them interesting information.

So here is some Interesting Information.

Jodie Foster - wisely prefers girls over guys. (Could be true)

I can tell you that I have a firsthand account of John Travolta making out with a man in a parked car. (True)

And another source close to this reporter will verify that Mr Kevin Spacey does not discriminate on the basis of age or gender when gets hungry for a no-pants dance. (Could be true)

And Topher Grace... is totally into girls. (Could be true)

And Robert Downey Jr. He likes to fu- Hmmm... I better not say, I'm told he occasionally reads this blog. (True)

Sadly or gladly, I don't hear that much celebrity gossip nowadays. Ten-year-olds don't have as much juicy celeb gossip to share as people who work in the eviltainment industry. Although it was a ten-year-old that told me about Spacey.

There is even a rumor going around that I (Krankiboy) have a "fish fetish." That is so exaggerated that it's almost untrue.

You get videotaped felating one dolphin at Sea World while being rimmed by a walrus and people immediately want to judge you.

"Fish Fettish?!" They're mammals people!

Mammals!