I'm not into you.

Many people find it difficult to tell somebody that they are no longer interested in seeing them. Personally I'm ashamed to admit that I've broken up with women in some cowardly ways. Please note that some of these I did when I was just a stupid teenager. Also, two methods in this list are blatant lies.

1) While over at her house I casually told her mother that we had decided just to be friends.

2) Went away to Europe for two months but failed to mention anything about the trip to her.

3) Break up note slipped under her door followed by me running away.

4) Made up a story about falling in love with a completely made up person.

5) The college classic: Stop being friendly when you see them and promptly start sleeping with their roommate.

6) Had my new girlfriend explain that I didn't want to see her anymore.

7) Told her I was saving myself for marriage and being around her was just too tempting.

8) Used inside information she told me to help her ex-boyfriend say the right things and "win" her back from me.

9) Changed Facebook information from 'In a relationship' to 'single.' Changed status to read 'Krankiboy is no longer dating Natasha.'

10) Wrote a message on her bathroom mirror with her lipstick then snuck out of her place during the night.

Care to comment on a crappy break-up method you have used or had used on you?

My Ride

So my car died... afuckingain.

This time I had my friend jump it which Alex had never done before. When Alex saw me hook up the batteries and it started up I believe the comment was "Aww, it's like our cars are kissing." This is a clear indication that Alex is a girl. Guys don't say that shit. That's why I don't like very many guys.

Instead of stressing out about driving it around to charge up the battery I simply left the keys in the ignition and walked off to have a leisurely dinner. This is a very freeing thing. The idea that my car was just there and running for anybody to take was quite cool. I was half hoping that somebody would steal it so I could get the insurance money and no longer have to endure parking tickets. I'm very close to selling the poor old gal and getting a scooter. Don't judge me, I live in the worst parking city on the face of the planet. Does the planet have a face or has it been covered in polar ice cap water. When the waters rise worldwide don't blame me, I'll have an aqua scooter and a pair of water wings.

What was the point of this blog again? Oh right, it's me, I'm pointless. Some say it's my charm. And my "some" I mean me.

Rejected Halloween Costumes

I ended up passing on some Halloween Costumes. I didn't think I'd have a party to go to, then I got invited to one and I have no time to get a costume. All I have are art supplies at school. I'll either find something simple and creative or have to go with nothing. Lame.

Here are some costumes you won't see me in.

Yellow doesn't go with my skin tone.

Sure this one would be hawt, but I'd bee too cold.

I don't have the person to do the body paint.

This one is just too disturbing.

In fact, it makes me want to....

Blluuurggh!

Happy Halloween y'all.

Do you know the Mushroom Man?

Some days I marvel at how fucking weird San Francisco can be. I was walking home from work on Thursday and saw this guy dressed like a cross between a Ziggy Stardust, and the Cat in the Hat. He had a long floral print shirt and some elven looking boots on. Weirder still was that he was carry a rectangular velvet pillow with two kinds of mushrooms placed in neat rows. One type of mushroom was orange with a large cap and the others were a purplish color. It seemed as if he might be on his way to sell them somewhere. I should have stopped to chat with the man but I was a bit too perplexed to think to do so.

I'll keep my eyes peeled for him next time. It totally topped the lady at the park who walks around selling ganja cakes like they were ice cream.

I hope you're all having a lovely weekend.

Funny Blood - Follow Up

This was in my email today. It made me smile and I thought I'd share as a follow up since some of you expressed some interest.


Kranki

hi.

thanks for writing to me.

your e-mail was very interesting.

i was in la when i received it.

i was on the phone with my mom (lillian) and i told her about it. then she put her mom / my yia
yia (dina) on the phone.

we spoke about it for a while.

the next time i talked to my mom she said that yia yia talked about it for the rest of the day.

i don't know that much about my family tree.

it's nice to know more.

tell everyone i said hi.

hope life is good.

demetri.

Free Wisdom

I'll give you some hard-earned wisdom at no charge.

Never ever try to outdrink a stuffed animal.

Funny Blood

My Aunt Helen sent me the following.

Hey KRANKI Martin -

Hope all is well. Let me know how its going. Just wanted to pass on this info, since this guy's been in the news lately:

I think I told you that Demetri Martin (the comedian) is your blood relative (but not through the Martin line - strange coincidence that you have the same last name). Your great-grandmothers were sisters. Your grandmothers are 1st cousins.

He's been on Jon Stewart, written for Conan, will have a new Comedy Central show in 2008. He's about your age. His grandmother Dina and uncle Johnny were at Aunt Mary's funeral and I sat with them at the luncheon. The uncle have me his dvd and cd (not the latest), which I can send you if you want. Demetri often uses his mother & grandmother in his comedy, talking about Yiayia, growing up Greek, has his grandmother respond to his jokes, etc.

Anyway, you said your Australian friends know of him. His humor is a bit like yours - cerebral and observational. Below are some links. Don't know if you would want to reach out to him, since you have so much in common. (I even think he was briefly married in his early 30's and is now divorced.) His website/myspace invites people to e-mail. Just a thought. To me, its almost surreal, parallel-universe-type stuff, so I just had to pass this info on.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14653866 - recent NPR radio interview

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7120270 - NPR radio interview

http://television.aol.com/news/story/_a/jon-stewart-backs-demitri-martin-show/20071003065809990001

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/demetri_martin/index.jhtml - video spots on Jon Stewart

http://www.demetrimartin.com/main.html - his website

{BTW, here is how you are related:
Demetri's great-grandmother (Evangelitsa (Sissas)) & Matthew's great-grandmother (Anastasia (Sissas) Bendo-Poulos) were sisters.
Demetri's grandmother (Dina Agrapides) & Matthew's grandmother (Effie (Bendo) Yovanopoulos) are first cousins.
Demetri's mother (Lillian (Agrapides) Martin), married Dean Martin (Greek Orthodox priest, now deceased). Lillian and Effie are 2nd cousins.
And besides the above blood connection, Demetri & KRANKI are also connected via the Finale family through different marriage lines! It's a very small, very close, world.)

Keep in touch,
Helen

I'm not sure how I would go about communicating with somebody I am a fan of. It has a rather sycophantic, star-fucker quality to it that rubs me the wrong way. Would I even want to meet him if he were just my cousin who had some boring office job? Probably not. But if he was a funny cousin with a boring office job I think I would.

Does contacting him make me a star fucker? Did I mention I don't like star fuckers and hangers on? That's probably why I didn't ride some body's coattails to fortune back when I worked in Hollywood.

Please take a moment to weigh in with your opinion.

Say NO way to crochet!

Brother give up the needle. It's no way to live righteous!




Proof that crocheting is an addiction.

Just say NO to crochet!

Please do your part as a concerned citizen to help spread the word. Show your friends the dark side of crochet before it's too late.

I knew it!

We knew that Cheney dined on the roasted hearts of babies to feed his evil powers and sustain his ancient body. Now it seems Dubya is trying to get in on the act.

Puddle Deep

I have come to the realization that I'm in a love hate relationship with Love itself. If you're high as a kite that should sound kind of deep.

Also, if you are high, you'll enjoy this one.


What kind of bees produce milk?
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Boobies

Lame Tunes and Band Names

This is the saddest offering of new music from iTunes since... well, let's hope next week is better.

iTunes Store
New Music Tuesday: Jennifer Lopez, R. Kelly, Brooks & Dunn, and more

One hopes that "and more" really kicks some ass.

Nadine was here and we came up with some band names including...

Not a Panda
&
Save the Scones!

They both hypothetically rock so hard you just got a nosebleed simply reading this sentence.

*offers you a tissue*

The best actual band name I've seen in a while has got to be Bi Polar Bear. They're local to me so I'm going to check them out and hope they can unhypothetically make blood trickle from my nostril.

My Contribution to Culture

I've finally made my mark and can now go take a nap and rest on my wordly laurels.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sezbian

Naps are for cats

I have a student who pretends to be a dog at nap time. It would be disturbing if it wasn't so adorable.

Tasty Beverage

It's called Chelada. I think it must be Spanish for supreme evil.

This is WRONG. It's not a matter of opinion. When you take the juice from a clam, mix it with tomato juice and add that vile combo to beer it's gone beyond bad taste.

Why not just bottle camel piss and milk? You could tell people that it's a delicacy.

Reflective Retreat

I was out at a staff retreat in the middle of nowhere east of San Francisco called San Damiano. It was a place run by Friars dressed in the traditional hooded brown robe and rope belt. After staff activities and games were done for the night I tried to get some sleep but just tossed and turned. Finally at 4am I got dressed and went for a walk outside.

I looked up at the stars. They were especially bright and visible out away from the smothering glare of the city lights. I looked into the South of the sky and was stunned to see Mars popping out like a red neon apple. It was as big as a new moon and lit so brightly that I could make out it's contours and texture. There were red, yellow and grey splotches in some spots. I could even see a hit of the giant canyon that runs three miles deep and stretches as long as all of North America etched onto it's surface. It was rather astounding.

Back on earth a few feet away I caught sight of some kind of movement nearby. There to keep me company was a smallish raccoon. He was perched in the courtyard fountain doing some late-night fishing. He would stare intently at the still water of the fountain and then quickly shoot both his nimble rodent hands/paws into the water trying to grab at the goldfish swimming below the surface. Plunk. I didn't want to disturb him so I just looked back up at Mars and wondered if my friends on the other side of the Earth in Australia would be able to see the red planet hung out so beautifully there in the cool of night.

A second raccoon came out to join his friend but was startled when he saw me. He sounded a warbly little snuffle to his fishing friend. They exchanged a few raccoon communications that seemed to be about me.

Nervous Raccoon: "Dude, there's a human right there, dude!"
Fishing Raccoon: "Yeah, he's cool. He's just been looking up at that big reddish ball in the sky."
Nervous Raccoon: "Whoa, hey, is that Jupiter?"
Fishing Raccoon: "No dumb ass, it's Mars. Now shut up, you're scaring away the fish."

I'm not really a late night walk-taker so I like to think that something was pulling me out to see Mars orbiting so close to the Earth. It won't be that close for another 220+ years. I'm glad I got to see it and make some new friends.

B-B-B-BANNED!

They threw my sorry little ass off Facebook. I think it's because I drew a weenie on my mate Dave's graffiti wall. It's art, man. Art can be impactful. Art can be a gross-looking penis. Plus, um... He total started it. *mock pout* Dave like totally started it.

Perhaps it's for the best, I was spending far too much time poking, karate-chopping, and throwing sheep at Australians. I was neglecting this already neglected blog. Time to go back to neglecting this baby full time.

Best of the Week

What's the best thing that happened to you this week? My thing was having the bartender lady at my local bar recognize me and give me a nickname. Second place was being mildly assaulted by hungry goats at the petting zoo.

Art by Fluffy

Fluffy has mad skillz. I can barely use my mouse to make a stick figure and she busts this out. I can only assume that it represents the red mist that all women are consumed by when they think of me. We don't have the term red mist here in Seppoland. It's yet another cultural tidbit I learned on my Aussie excursion.

How ya going?

How ya going?

Hello?

Hello?