Lovely Local Older Lady? - Possibly Paranoid Schizophrenic

Right now, I'm in Hawaii and it's god damn beautiful and I want to see as much of Maui as I god damn possibly can god damn, it.  I love natural beauty and good fruit and nice people and being near water that is all here in huge quantities.  I can already tell that I'll be back to Maui and other Islands of Hawaii.  What's not to like?  The grocery stores here are even cheaper than in San Francisco.  Yes, don't worry, it's organic. 


I'm tired from a day of beach sitting, grilling, pina colada concocting, chatting with a very nice but very paranoid older South African turned Maui local woman who reminded the wifely one of a female Keith Richards.  She started as a helpful local who answered a few questions for us but then she began to get a bit to much into secret criminal underbelly of Maui drugs it was interesting but there were very few details that sounded credible.  With her chain smoking and rambling tirades but generally nice disposition it was a bit harder to relax and enjoy the view.  The owner of our hotel is a nefarious individual who controls the drug trade in this part of Maui.  Dubious that he'd still bother, as he did, to come by and make sure the mini waterfall in the courtyard was working well if this was the case.  I do wonder about her wild 'could be true' anecdotes.  She was helpful, gave a few suggestions on places to visit but when she asked to use my phone to repeatedly call her bank (I let her because I'm a nice guy) she insisted on talking away from where we could hear her and she told me flat out to delete the number in the phone fearing that I or someone could steal her identity or get her money from the bank by having the digits stored in my phone somehow.  When the lil wifley one asked me what was up with her.  I said she was a very nice but possibly paranoid schizophrenic.  Credit to the wifely one for the Keith Richards-esque observation.