Monday, July 16, 2012

FUCK Hana! Not the girl, the place.

Hana is a restful quiet town with many quaint beaches and lovely tropical trees and plants and a highway that meanders around making it less of a highway and more of a pain in the ass to drive.  It's one of the most popular tourist destinations in all of Maui and aside from one or two impressive waterfalls it sucks.  The main reason it sucks is one that is utterly baffling.  There are NO restaurants the entire region of Hana - guess what?  There are no real grocery stores either.  There are two shitty 7-eleven type places but that is IT!  I'm not exaggerating.  Even the tourist attraction spots don't offer ANY food or beverages.  What the fuck is wrong with you people?  This is a big area - Visitors like to eat.  In fact I understand some people eat up to three times a day.  There is one restaurant in Hana that isn't part of the one resort hotel in Hana.  That restaurant is also owned by the resort. 

I asked several of the locals.  Some were born and raised here.  They say that they drive 60+ miles to Costco about every two months and just stock up?  There is no butcher store, no place to get eggs unless you own chickens.  I know more people in San Francisco with chickens than here. 

It's made me very hangry and so due to the severe lack of restaurants in that part of Maui and the non existent grocery stores.  There are NONE!  I say, FUCK HANA, MAUI.  I'm not asking for a Safeway, I hate big chain stores.  I'm asking for a mom and pop store that has a few things.  I've been to impoverished countries that have a ton of food and grocery options.  It's like living on a different planet for food options.

Pa'ia Town had more restaurants on one block that the entire south east side of Maui.  I don't surf so I shouldn't have let the wife suggest Hawaii in the first place.  I'm sure there are other amazing spots but unless I get to see the sunset at the top of a volcano (there's one place that sells muffins on the drive to the top, but nothing else.)  We should have just stayed on the North Shore and done a few day trips. 

I was just enjoying a hike today to the falls (muddy and slippery as it was) and starting to let go of the fact that we had to drive 40 miles to a hole in the wall wooden hamburger shack that, thankgodfully, was open.  Hollie was up on the Jeep taking photos of the cool scraggly dry vistas and cliff overlooking the water in Maui cow country.  We saw a giant rainbow (cheesy yes) but the largest most vibrant one I've ever seen and I snapped a few great photos of her on her iPhone. That was the last we saw of her iPhone with the beautiful photos I took. I don't often loose things (at least not important things.  I felt like complete shit and I'm rather hating the turn of events here in Hana and retracing our drive to the only remote place where I could have dropped the phone.  Maybe I put it on the side of the Jeep and drove off with it there? I wish we were not booked for another night so we could get the fuck out.  Also, I'm at an all time kranki level and aside from doing all I can to make my wifely one happy I am a shitty husband. 

p.s.  The people in Hana are nice, but FUCK Hana.  Event the big tourist attraction The Seven Sacred Pools were closed so no swimming or cliff jumping.  The hike to the waterfall was nice despite the downpours of rain, but give me my money back, assholes.  Bullshit.  They want to keep it undeveloped like with was in OLD Hawaii, but what the hell did they do in ancient times pray to the God called Costcoa to provide them with sustenance?    

I'm having a hard time turning things around in my state of mind and with the trip in general.  The photos of happy wife taking shots of the rainbow LOST.... well that just feels like Hawaiian Leprechauns stole my joyous images and chance to turn the trip around.  I just want to break things when I should be enjoying the slow and restful pace of Maui.  It has to get better.  Thousands and thousands of dollars wasted on the airfare, rental car and accommodations.  I'm in freakin' Maui and I'm somehow more stressed than ever.

Fuck Hana!

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