I was having lunch with my imaginary friend Jenga today and the topic of pet peeves came up. Jenga asked me if I there are any words that simply bothered me when I heard them.
But I couldn't think of any pet peeve* words right away.
Some of my friends have words that are on the "Do not say when I am around list." Words that send a shiver up their spine like nails on a chalk board or the shrill squeal* of a dentist drill.*
For instance my friend Pamela can't hear the word "panties" without covering her ears and singing loudly to block out the sound of the offending word.
It's really quite fun to see her scramble to find her happy place.
I have another friend, I'll just call her Narieke to keep her identity a secret. She doesn't like to hear the words "snack" or "moist" and will chastise you if you utter either of them in her presence. This must limit the kitchen conversation when cupcakes are being baked.
Narieke: "How are those cupcakes?"
Cupcake Eaters: "Ummm, they're very... good texture."
My imaginary friend Jenga (who is a very tall, sexy Eskimo lady with long purple-sparkly hair and silver eyes) doesn't like to hear the words, "blubber," or "droppings."
Personally I have two words that will cause me to cringe if I hear them spoken. They are "custard" and "tampon." In fact I have no problem with either of the items, I just insist that they are instead called "cream filling" and "pontoon" respectively.
Also while I am on the subject of pontoons, can I just say that although my ex-wife took many items when she got her own apartment, she left enough pontoons for the entire Israeli army. The bathroom cabinets are just jammed with them. I found a dozen of them stuffed into the pen drawer. A economy-size crate of them was in the closet with the towels. I found three lost pontoons on the shelf where we keep the dog treats and one lonely pontoon all by itself stuffed inside the Yellow Pages. Book mark? It's like one of those paranoid drug dealers who stashes baggies of money and dope all over the place and doesn't remember where they left them. Is this normal behavior? I'm almost curious to go right now and check inside the refrigerator crisper. I suppose I should rest easy knowing that if flood waters descend up Los Angeles my dogs and I will be well protected.
Sorry, I trailed off into a pontoon rant tangent.
He are my two questions for you.
1) What should I do with all these "pontoons"???
2) Do you have a personal pet peeve word?
*alliteration. That gives me 15 bonus blog post points.
Also if anybody uses the phrase "tampon custard" in the comments I will find you and punch you in the neck.
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16 comments:
Narieke hates "toddler" as well. It makes things interesting.
I can't stand "meal", and now that you mention it, "peeve". I don't love it. TM's granny calls him "sweetmeat" (in a high pitched baby voice) which makes me want to punch her in the face.
Billious is the most insanely irritating word in the world. My mother frequently says it to me just to see me run from the room shouting.
Sweetmeat, sounds like a doggie treat.
You should teach zacky to say "no, I'm zacky" and then roundhouse sweep grandma's leg.
I just taught my dogs to roll over I'm very proud.
I too hate "panties" (the word. please call them pants, knickers, frilly bits, undies anything but that)
I loathe and squirm when people use double superlatives. It makes me want to grab the nearest hurting device and hurt them with it.
I'm with elaine on "panties". Can't stand that word.
A suggestion for the truckload of "pontoons" you have acquired:
There's a "pontoon" ad on TV here where a girl is turning her house upside down looking for one, only to wander into the living room to discover her boyfriend has given them to the cat to play with. He calls them "mousy-mousy".
Give them to a cat shelter as "mousy-mousy" toys.
Dare you.
I've seen that commercial.
Is that a full-on dare Magical M?
Because I've been known to be a bit of a daredevil. How do I prove to you that I've done it?
Would you take me at my Kranki word?
Also what does the M in Magical M stand for?
Well at least you know she didnt hide them in the toilet cistern like most druggies.
Canoe: I'm not nerding at you here, but there ain't no word "billious" girl. There is "bilious" which what I assume you mean. Is it the meaning of the word or just the sound that gets you?
Does supersilious have a similar effect on you?
Okay, now the word "panties" is even starting to bother me. It's very a un-pirate word.
Pegleg Roberts: "Cap'n, I be wanting to know from where ye plundered those fine lace panties yer wearin'?"
Sponky, I just checked the cistern and found a brick of hash the size of your head and 11 grand in cash.
Which do you think is worth more?
Please note the above comment is flatly untrue. I have no reliable information about how big Sponky's head is.
Also, where the hell is Bevis? He's late, again. I hope he's not sick.
Bilious; eeuurgh.
You could keep the "pontoons" for mopping up spills,
great for absorbing spilled liquor at parties
As long as you picked up canoe for billious you should know you mispelled supersilious. It's "supercilious".
*mwah*
It is a dare.
I will require photographic evidence of a kitten in a shelter playing with the mousy-mousy.
Some audio of the kitten saying mousy-mousy would also suffice.
Or I can just take your word for it... I'm easily pleased.
The M is the second letter of my first name. Its also what my mother calls me. The snag is that when I was younger everyone thought she said "Em" and that my name was Emily or Emma.
My name actually starts with an A.
Well, there aren't too many names it could be that start with Am so clearly it's Amagdalenarovna. It's a beautiful name.
You almost had it...
Its actually Amorogosophomina.
Moldavian for either "gene pool really should have ended with the parents if this is the sort of name they are going to inflict on their offspring" or "cute".
what about mustard? It sounds just the same.
I too have an (or suffer from?) intense dislike of the word sweetmeat. Yuck
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