Monday, March 27, 2006

A Taste of the Exotic: My Saturday Night written by The Wizard

Hello there my little bloglings, how are you? My host krankiboy was kind enough to let me borrow his car this weekend so I could save my teleportation energy for more urgent matters. I was quite excited to operate the metal machine. I was forced to remove my wizard hat in order to sit comfortably in Kranki's Hoondar Accord horseless carriage. It really is quite exciting to press the rectangle on the car floor and bring the contraption up to a high rate of speed. It's also fun to sound the noise maker on the driving wheel. It's an excellent way to quickly scatter a sidewalk full of people who are standing in your way. I spotted a few scantily clad Hispanola ladies standing outside some hotbed of night-life activity. I proceeded to stop the Hoondar on the roadway. The first nuisance was the screaming man in the red vest who accosted me the moment I stepped out of the carriage. This fellow has a small booth and he told me I would had to "Move, dat fucking car out da the middle of the street you eediot." After I explained to him that I had a superior intelligence and was a powerful wizard we made an arrangement where he would hold my keys and I would get the car back later. That was on Saturday. I wonder if he still has the car?... Anyway, it was a good arrangement at the time as I didn't have any pockets on my robe. I waved to the group of people standing behind the fuzzy red rope and walked into the establishment. I was immediately confronted by a thick-necked man with an ear piece who told me I couldn't go in. I handed him some currency and he graciously opened the door for me. There was a cacophonous Hip-Hop-thumpy sound coming from inside that assailed my senses immediately. There were quite a number of long envious looks from the patrons. I later found out that these are called "Playa Haters." Obviously they didn't have the means to purchase shiny green robes of their own and they looked on in awe. I headed for the bar which required me to push my way through a throng of people. The bar man quickly came to service me. There was no Grog or Mead to be had so I went with a Vodka Martini. When the serving man turned around to make my drink I used a bit of telekinesis to supply myself with a few bottles of something called Smirnoff, another called Bacardi and a dark bottle of a sweet and creamy liquid called Bailey's. It was quite nice and I quaffed the entire elixir and immediately made my way to the dancefloor. Now, I think you'll catch the double meaning when I say that once under the disco-like lighting I sparkled. However dancing was certainly not my primary objective. I knew I was in the right place because it take long before I quickly spotted my sweet prey....

Asian Girls!

Booyah! See the second one in from the right. That's Pai-Ling and as you can see she was checking out my magic staff right from the get go. Mae-Kwon (far left) remarked that I was "A full-on Pimp-Daddy'

Then, through the power of my smooth talk, magic charm... plus the 47 Cosmopolitans and two rounds of tequila shots, I was able to teleport the entire Asian persuasion from the club......


Back to Kranki's place. I tried all those girls on for size, filled them out like a bank loan as I got my Kama Sutra freak on. It's true what they say. After you eat Chinese, 15 minutes later and you're hungry for more. I love L.A..


BEVIS said...

Not what I heard. I heard that when you eat Asian, you like Cream of Sum Yung Guy.

kranki said...

Oh my, was that the lowest form of humor known as a pun? What did you do on Saturday night, Cornwholio?

BEVIS said...

No, but THAT was the lowest form of humour, known as sarcasm.

Also, you're still posting under a false alias, Mr Wizard. Leave Kranki out of this and stop putting words in his mouth. Or Cream, or whatever it is you're putting in there.

As for your question, I discovered a brand new STD on Saturday night. It was quite a breakthrough. Everyone kicked a goal.