Monday, February 20, 2006

From Russia with Love

I got on MySpace because I was told it was more fun than Friendster. And it is I suppose. You can put a stupid song on there... get little cyber pets and crap. Look at all the weird people your friends are talking to. Hell, you can even be buddies with Chuck Fuckin' Norris, Tina Fey, or perhaps even DJ Jazzy Jeff. Whatever happened to his sidekick? You know, that the Fresh Prince dude. Probably just hangs around the same dive bar drinking with Richard Grieco.

Anyway, here is my question as I am new to the MySpace revolution.
Does everybody get propositioned for marriage by desperate Russian women on My Space, or is it just me?

Bachelorette #1

Jan 30, 2006 2:49 PM

Hello my name is Anastasiya Now I live in Russia in small city Zvenigovo I liked your profile and I would like to start to correspond with you. You could send the information on mine email: I shall be very glad, if I shall see your letter on the email. I can tell to you more about myself and send you some other photos. Anastasiya

I wait for your answer!!!

Dear American stranger, let's be pen pals and maybe then get married. Random Russian lady. Did she write "mine email"? How creepy that she also happens to have my mother's first name.

Bachelorette #2

Hello!!! My name is Nadezhda. I the lonely Russian girl which am already tired from that that to her does not carry in relations with Russian men. A final point in it became my spoilage which was finished by divorce because which I counted that loved appeared the mean person who deceived me. Now I have decided to find to myself soulmate from other country. I for the first time have decided it to do. I write you this letter from library. I hope you will interest my structure in agency because I would like to correspond with you. I work as the waiter at restaurant though I have finished institute on a trade landscape gardening construction, but unfortunately could not find work on a trade and am compelled to work at restaurant. I search serious relations, it is possible even for creation of family. I think I shall tell to you more in my following letter if you write to me on my email: I have some other photos and I shall send you them if you want it. I hope with your answer to receive from you a photo also. I shall look forward to hearing from you. I hope you want that our lonely hearts became little bit closer. Nadezhda.

She knows how to use the word "compelled" in a sentence but she is "the Russian girl which am already tired from that that to her does not carry in relations with Russian men."

And Bachelorette #3

Feb 10, 2006 4:46 PM
No Subject

Hello. My name is Tatuana. I saw your structure. I am interested by you. I very much would like to correspond with you. I on the Internet what to try to create the family. I live in Russia. If you are interested by me that write to me on e-mail I shall wait for your letter. Tatuana.

She saw my structure? Was it that steel bridge I built along the mighty Mississippi River with my bare hands, or was it the pipe cleaner cube I made for my math class?

Anyway. It has turned me off to MySpace. But just to be polite I wrote them all back, got all their addresses and have sent them each a container of frozen sperm (that I keep in my freezer) to help them start their family. It's common courtesy.

All I want to know is why me? Does Krankiboy mean something else in Russian?

They all sent pictures, do you want to see them? Perhaps if you is liking them that you want be able to be making the family that is nice with them.


Enny said...

I'd kinda like to see them... is that wrong?

davethescot said...

Hey lunchcutter, hands off, i was on myspace before you, and they propositioned me first. I'm saving up to go over there and bring one of them, if not all of them slavic ice queens down under.

kranki said...

I don't know what a lunchcutter is but I'm sure it sounds great with your Scottish accent.

Slavic Ice Queens. They'll be putty in your hands you poet.

May the best man win.

Of course you'd like to see them. I'll put them up as soon as I have enough energy to post again.

Dangerous Dave said...

To cut someones lunch: To take of something that you may not be entitled to. I.E You and I are in a bar and we have been chatting to the ladies all night, I decide that I want the one on the right, everything is going along swimmingly, and then at the end of the evening, you swan in and whisk her off after i have done all the hard yards. Thereby cutting my lunch.

kranki said...

It's a good expression. I sort of figured it had to do with women being food. I just never heard it before. I'm going to use it frequently. Thank you Scotland.

So do you have the expression "Keep your hands off my leftovers!"?

Anonymous said...

They are all SCAMMERS! Do not believe this mails! Please check or just search these words (like me, so I found your site!) in Google:
Again, they are THIEF! Do not believe! Many russian bitches are doing this!