Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Dear Abby

krankiboy, the following is a story how the Stun Alarm Flashlight was used. At the end of the story, you will find a bonus offer just for you.

Ever since her husband died, Abby felt a little less safe in their brown brick townhouse. They had always wanted to live in the city together, so they saved up what they could to buy a fixer-upper in a blossoming neighborhood. Then David got sick. Before very long, Abby was on her own again. She wanted to hang on to the good memories of that house, feeling confident that she and her neighbors were driving the bad element off the block. Still, she always made sure she was prepared for the worst. And when the lights went out on her during a really violent thunderstorm, she shuffled downstairs to the broom closet for her favorite flashlight, a gadget David had bought for her for their last Christmas together. Sixteen and a half inches long, but still very light, Abby loved how it brightened up a room. She turned it on, and looked for her emergency radio. Red and blue lights flickered through the windows, so Abby figured that the power would come back soon. As she swiveled around, the bright beam of light illuminated a strange face. Abby gasped. "Don't make a sound," growled the stranger, "or I'll hurt you." It didn't even take Abby a heartbeat to lunge forward with the flashlight. Her attacker grinned, expecting to deflect a blow. Instead, he received a 200,000-volt jolt of electricity from the flashlight's built-in stun baton. Abby loved that flashlight for a reason. Rushing over to the window, she activated the flashlight's piercing alarm. Cops outside saw her waving the light and rushed up to her building. She found out later that her attacker was a convicted criminal who tried to escape when his prisoner transport vehicle crashed into a utility pole. That explained the blackout - and the presence of this scary individual in Abby's home. The police sergeant had a blast explaining to the detectives how Abby used an innocent looking flashlight to nab one of the city's most wanted felons. And Abby felt David's presence in their home even stronger than ever.

Yours in safety, Ron

Another truly inspiring story from Ron.

Personally I am happy that Abby has a sixteen inch long device to keep her company now that David has died from being "sick." It's really quite a nice change from all those"Woman beaten to death with her own flashlight" tales.

And this guy was one of the city's "Most wanted felons." Nice job, Abby, Batman and Spiderman are wussy little fags compared to you and your mighty flashlight.

I don't know where in the "city" Abby lives but the police certainly arrive on the scene quickly in that neighborhood.

Oh and there is a 130 pound Rotweiller panting on me as I type this. I found her a few hours ago being chased by some guy with a broom. I have no idea what the hell to do with her in our small apartment. I shampooed about a pound of dirt off of her. It was gross. She's sweet, but drooly. I don't think Ass Breath or Freckle Dick are all that happy to have her around. She be real big.


You've Got What I Need... said...

Ron is such a considerate fellow. Remember kranki, it's always the quiet ones that you need to watch out for.

Sherriff said...

I am only six and a half inches ling but baby, I could still brighten up your room.

I can't believe I just stooped that low.

Yes I can.