Monday, April 09, 2007

Hunky Jesus on the Cross Contest

It was a gorgeous Sunday when the dogs and I arrived arrived at Dolores Park. I was surprised to see such a massive crowd of people gathered and enjoying the spectacle. Almost everybody managed to find a little something special to wear on this sacred holiday.

I was having a great time among a friendly crowd. Never have so many transvestites looked so lovely in their elaborate and colorful frocks and bonnets. It was more amazing than the photos I have here but you'll forgive me because I had a crap camera and two dogs to keep track of. I let Ass Breath and Freckle dick off leash for a bit, but I was worried they might get lost or possibly return wearing lipstick and a matching pink bows.

*Be sure to scroll to the end because Blogger is being a dork and spacing pictures far apart.

Look at these splendid hats.

There is nothing quite as breathtaking as a cross dresser who could easily pass for a bearded woman.

Don't you agree?

Everybody was so nice and easy-going that I decided to let the dogs romp around with a little friend they found. He was actually quite timid. As soon as Ass Breath realized it wasn't a horse but a dog (named Mojo) he relaxed. I was hoping he'd try and hump it like he eventually does to most dogs he meets.

"Hello. My name is Mojo and I am large."

Got Drool?

Everybunny began to grow excited and restless. One frisky rabbit lady poked a carrot right up against another ladie's garden patch.

One of the head sisters gave the go ahead hand signal for the Hunky Jesus contest to begin.

Luckily there was a bishop from the Vatican on hand to make sure the contest was completely 100% official and sanctioned by the Catholic Church of Rome.

Mistress Midori had her basket of treats on hand for nibbling.

There were a wide variety of Hunky Jesus contestants. Including "Female Not Dressed as Jesus, Jesus", Zombie Jesus, Leather and Lace Jesus and a host of others. I was disappointed that there was no Just Plain Fat Jesus.

After all the Jesus judging was complete the crowd's unanimous favorite was.... Old Skool Jesus!

Just like the real Jesus he too was good with the paparazzi. That cross dug a nasty red mark onto his shoulder and NOBODY helped him with the cross at any point. I got a good look and that wooden cross was heavy.

If my friends came out to support me and I could find a good costume or theme I'd consider entering the contest.

It was a fun outing on a beautiful day and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence raised some money for charity as well.

Better luck to you next year, "Pouty Sore Loser Jesus" with biblically authentic hot entourage girls. At least it was a smattering of lady skin for us hetero breeders in attendance. This Jesus was generally irritated that he didn't win.

Is Pouty Jesus sneering at me, or checking me out?

It was a great and creative effort by Pogo Stick Jesus. I appreciated the way he hopped around on stage and hung around to help clean up trash afterwards. He looks a bit like Mark Wahlberg.

Good luck to you next year, Black Motorcycle Jesus...

It was a great group of wannabe Jesuses... Jesui... Jesusers -- I don't know the correct pluralization to convey more than one Jesus. At any rate, I do know one thing for certain. I am willing to pray to the lord above that when the real Jesus does show up that he has the wisdom and decency to please, please wax the ass hair.


Can I get an amen on that?!

Happy Easter everybunny!


You've Got What I Need... said...

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me into scrolling down for THAT twice, shame on you again. THAT'S TERRIBLE.

I'll never recover.


Cloudy said...'re settling in in San Fran OK then?

angela said...

You dirty liberal hippies on the west coast. Jesus.

kranki said...

Which Jesus are you asking for Angela?

kranki said...

YGWIN: Twice? It might have just been that you went back to look again or got the deja vu feeling when you saw it. It's only there once, love.

CLOUDY: Yes, I'm settling in fine. It's obviously dull but I'm managing.