Oh, You Sexy Bitch!

Ummm......

One Sexy Bitch

http://shop.starwars.com/catalog/product.xml?product_id=2698;category_id=332;pcid1=;pcid2=

.....Yeah.... That's something we can quickly file into the "Wrong" category.

"Help me Doggie-Won Kinobie! You're my only hope! Only your big Jedi Lightsaber is fit to bone me. "

Yeah, sometimes fetish crosses the line. One one side there is kinky and risque such as having sex on top of a faux bearskin rug and on the other side there's dressing your dog up so she is your hot Fantasy love slave. It's a few too many steps removed from reality. Oh and there is the whole dog as a sex object thing going on. I felt bad the one time I tried to put bandanas on my dogs. Some guy at the doggie park spotted them and he went all Queer Eye on me and shamed me by saying, "Oh, you poor little animals, who made you wear that terrible cowboy scarf?" I was too embarrassed to even mount a witty retort. I was at a complete loss for words. It was an act of pure faggottry on my part and I learned a valuable lesson. When the charges are directed at you by a gay man. It brought back a painful pre-teen taunting i received when, during the mid 80's, I purchased a pair of "cool futuristic-looking sunglasses" at a store called STAR MAGIC. They had glow magnets and all sorts of cool crystals and trippy spinning things. I had to choose the "rad" sunglasses. Then, like a retard running into oncoming traffic, I immediately wore them to the park. When the older teenage boys saw them on me, they mocked me mercilessly. I felt like a baby leopard being emotionally disembowled and devoured by a pack of shrieking hyenas. But it's cool. It's not like I carry the esteem-scarring event with me to this day. I'm totally over it. So the moral of this blog is. Conform. Fit it. Do what they tell you to and nobody's dog will ever need to be dressed up as Princess Leia Sex Slave. Wait. Do you think Leia had to fuck Jabba the Hut? Honestly, vile gross-out factor and sheer physical impossibility aside I would have found it very hard to cradle Jabba's blubbery genitals and give them a proper Princess polish. Certainly not with that little screeching dude perched on Jabba's shoulder and watching me. Anyway, enjoy the Jabba's cock in your mouth imagery. Kids: Eat your vegetables and never be different. Stay with the herd. But really, those were some fucking dork-ass, turd- sniffer sunglasses. Stupid 1980's!

Lastly; Why do I share these things with you and not with my therapist?