Sunday, September 06, 2009

Babble Time

Met up for a date with a lovely designer I met. There was good coffee and a nice mix of serious and comedic conversation. We even discovered we have a mutual friend that neither of us knew we had that doesn't even live in our city. Small world. She asked some questions that went into serious territory for me. I was doing most of the talking and things got a tad bit heavy duty and I wasn't totally comfortable sharing so much but I also felt at ease and figured that if it was going to work out she'd hear the stuff sooner or later. I forgot the three or four things that I actually wanted to ask her. I walked her back to her bicycle and for some reason got really nervous. I didn't know if she wanted a good bye hug or a kiss on the cheek or if she just wanted to get the hell out of there. I proceeded to start to just ramble in a caffeinated blur of comments trying to perhaps be amusing and lighten the mood and prolong the time we were there so I could read her body language. This seemed to really confuse her which made me more nervous and caused me to talk even faster with slightly disjointed trains of thought whose connections were barely understandable to my own mental synapses. I guess I must have liked her and found her intelligence and sense of style slightly intimidating. I pretty much crashed the date into a brick wall. I'll send her an email and attempt to asses the damage and try to make a clever self deprecating salvage of the events. I could just be being really hard on myself. Perhaps she found it endearing? Doubtful. Next time I'm just going to fake confidence instead of being myself. People say to be yourself but that's a bunch of bullshit. You can get there eventually but until you start to grow on somebody and they become attached to you and dismiss your baggage as lovable quirks it's best to fake a blend of self-confidence and depth.

I just wish I'd recorded audio of my date. The level of babble was impressive. Maybe even a personal best. Perhaps I'll bring a voice recorder on the next date I go on. Then I could figure out how to post audio for your listening amusement. Somebody should get enjoyment out of my awkward derailed attempts at romance.


meva said...

Oh, Kranki! I hear you. Romance is so damned hard - especially as I'm so damned self conscious.

I'm always watching when I first meet someone, to make sure that I'm the person that they want me to be. Are they cool? I'll try and talk about a few obscure bands. Are they intellectual? I'll try a bit of socio-political commentary. Are they funny? I'll try to be amusing. Are they sexy? I'll skank it up.

And all this does is make me a sweaty, stuttering idiot who will possibly shove her chest out too far.

shasha said...

That must have been a strong brew of make you rant on so.

Try adding some decaf to it the mext time you go there, and put in lots of cream...light on sugar, or use homey instead.