Saturday, October 29, 2005

When Life Hands You Lemons...

The last three weeks have been a complete mind fuck. My wife and I have separated which may or may not be a good thing. Neither of us really knows for sure.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "what happened?" Well, The Wizard seduced her away from me. I couldn't compete with that kind of Mo Jo. Can you really blame her? He's a spell-craftin' stud. The Wizard has it all going on. What has he got that I haven't got? Man, it is a long mother fucking list. Chicks really go for his shiny robes and the tales of mystical wonder. Plus I think he put something in her drink. But, fair or not, the better man has won and I graciously acknowledge defeat. My wife Penny is only human after all. Frankly, I think the Wizard can probably do better, but as long as they're happy together thats all that matters. I hope he treats her well and doesn't string her along and then dump her like he did to that Mermaid Princess.

You're probably wondering where my anger is? I should be furious with both of them, right? Trust shattered, marital bonds ripped apart... I just don't want dwell in that negative head space, you know?

Although it would be nice if The Wizard stopped calling and putting me on speakerphone whenever he and Penny are going at it.

That seems a bit excessive.


fluffy said...

That immense, magical son of a bitch.


Quirkie said...

You probably need to kill the Wizard now.

Plus, he was rude to me, so I should think would be more than enough reason.

Quirkie said...

Sympathies, btw. I got caught up with a wizard once. Then my husband killed him. We all felt much better after that.

BEVIS said...

Er, ... I don't exactly know what to say about this. Are you being serious? (About you and Penny, not about the wizard.*)

If you are, I'm really sorry to hear it, man. But if you're just playing around, hahaha - I totally knew it all along.


* lower case 'w' again.

BEVIS said...

BTW, with the title of this post "When Life Hands You Lemons ...", I was thinking that maybe the rest of that sentence ought to be "squeeze the lemon juice into that bastard wizard's eye balls, the dirty mongrel!"

ms fits said...

Damn that bitch wizard to hell. xx