Last night I met up with some friends at a drink to help charity event. I think this particular charity was about abolishing the Prison Industrial Complex. I don't really know what the fuck that means but it matters to somebody so why not raise some money for the alcohol appreciation society at the same time. It was a fairly friendly crowd.
After my friends and I closed out the bar we got some lovely pizza. I treated because I'm frighteningly wealthy and generous. I had to leave because they started using some kind of nasty smelling cleaner. So while my friends finished their pizza I met a loud homeless woman who told me that it was her birthday and asked me if she looked good for 49.
I told her she was 49 and looked just fine because I am a dynamic street poet with crazy rhyme skillz. She continued to speak to me about her uncle and her sister who were down the street and not taking care of her. Finally my friends came outside and we could leave, but the woman insisted that I'd promised to give her three pennies. I actually had three pennies on me but I was taken aback by the idea that I had promised her anything. Also I thought giving her three pennies would just piss her off more. I told her I hadn't promised her anything but she insisted that I absolutely had. I told her that I no longer believed her that it was her birthday and I was leaving. She got very annoyed and said that she should kick her size 14 shoe right up my ass. If somebody lies and then threatens you does that automatically take back your compliment?
It's not always good to get attention.
When I'm an angry homeless black woman I'm going to remember to be nice to people. Especially on my birthday.
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- kranki
- I can catch flies with my bare hands. I like Mint Chip ice cream. I was expelled from Nursery School. I like people that like me. If we were in prison together I would be the guy to talk to about procuring things. My favorite words are cumshaw, fustigate and girth.
4 comments:
"Dynamic street poet" made me laugh.
At least she's got the foresight to rope you into a conversation before asking you for money. A mate of mine just got back from LA. He was at a bus stop and a black dude came up to him and yelled "Yo! Gimme a dollar!" I don't even think he was homeless.
Yes, you have to find some way to engage people or I suppose you can just scare them. Nobody should be at a bus stop in LA. They're like no man's land.
My friend told me the other day that he thought I had a promising career waiting for me as a streetside beggar one day. I am practicing my homeless shuffle walk.
This woman is a genius. She engages you in a pleasant conversation while you're alone, then tries to embarrass you by making you look like a cheap and heartless lying bastard in front of your friends.
Most people would have caved to avoid further humiliation or an argument of "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" and given her the three pennies. (Not you, though, I notice ... you cheapskate!)
It's weird that she didn't try to scam you out of more than just three pennies, but what do I know about the currency of the San Francisco homeless community?
Either way, she has the makings of an excellent real estate agent, telemarketer, used car salesman and advertising executive, all rolled into one. Even if she does need to start aiming a little higher.
I agree with the previous caller.
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