Monday, March 03, 2008


So I'm sitting at my local cafe having a turkey, avocado, bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich on a lovely baguette with a fresh lemonade to drink just thinking that maybe, maybe, things are okay in the world. Just at that moment, as if to pimp slap that notion from my head, this Hispanic guy walks into the place wearing his brand new shirt. This shirt.

He had no ironic sense about him. On many people it could have a 'so crap it's brilliant' style to it. Slap it on a geeky keyboardist or a... hmmm... put it on a hip lesbian construction worker and... no... wait. Okay, okay, I have it. Put it on a happily married accountant and... damn, the shirt just sucks no matter who wears it. It was especially horrible on this guy who wore it because it...
a) is original and clever
b) makes him feel better advertising his heterosexuality in San Francisco to avoid any gay men with a thing for aspiring, pseudo-gang banger douche bags who would be all over his action.
c) complimented his ample neck bling.
d) flat out impresses the ladies.
I can't even think of a celebrity that the shirt would seem cool on. That's how shit the thing is. Have any other horrible T-shirts you'd like to share?
The correct answer is e) ALL OF THE ABOVE


Melba said...

first i thought will ferrell. then i thought jack black. then i had to agree with you. every time i looked at those charlie's angel type silhouettes, i realised that any reasonable person would eschew the whole idea.

what about david gest?

nup. not him either.

got it. the only ONLY person it would be funny on would be j. edgar hoover. or jodie foster, with a hannibal lecter mask?

sublime-ation said...

I can't beat that comment.

My fave I wanna smash you in the face t shirt was the one I saw at Daly River. A cop wearing a t shirt saying 'Port Keats. It's a Riot!' with the police insignia on the front.

(Aussie thing, Port Keats (Wadeye) is a large Aboriginal community with a propensity to rioting. Probably also history of Abrgnl deaths in custody etc.).

I wanted to buy one but my mum wouldn't let me.

Shane Lyons said...

I just saw a t-shirt that said "Hugs Not Drugs". Disgraceful, especially on a teenager.

Shane Lyons said...

A saw one a while back which raised more questions than it answered, which is always a sign of quality:

No Job?
No Life?
No Girlfriend?
Come to Delhi!

The guy wearing it was Indian so I assume he knew what he was talking about. Whatever it was.

Anonymous said...

Melba, I think jodie in a hannibal mask would be able to pull it off. J. Edgar Hoover made me giggle. I want somebody to photoshop that shirt onto a picture of him so I can have that made into a shirt and wear it.

Sub, the fact that it was a cop wearing the shirt shows how seriously he takes his job of protecting the public.

Shane, I wonder if that shirt is the reason India is so populated.

- kranki