Thursday, February 21, 2008

Feel The Juice: A Cabventure

I was riding in a cab with my friend Seth and we were talking about the idea of get rich quick schemes and how most get rich schemes actually prey upon people who are looking to get rick quickly themselves. That's when my friend told me he was going another route and was now making peace with poverty. He elaborated for me and it started to make a great deal of sense. Instead of killing yourself or (god forbid) working hard to attain material comforts, possessions, a large and fancy home and the opportunity to dine on fine food in exotic locations you simply go the other way and accept that you don't have very much, don't have to work very hard and decide to be okay with it. It's kind of Zen in a way. Eschuing the material wants and extraneous tidbits that we are forever chasing for the simplicity of the bare minimum.

Seth and I were into a pretty deep conversation so I was quite startled when the cab driver-- loudly exclaimed. "Poverty is the devil!" Then he began a manic monologue that I can only attempt to recreate. I wish we had him on audio or video. He jumped all over the place but some of the things I remember him ranting about were money and sex. "You got to have a good car and money in your pocket to take your nice lady out for dinner -- but I would never have sex with a condom because I GOTTA FEEEEL DA JUICE!... ya know?"

We goaded him hoping he'd share more of his blue collar brilliance with us.
"So, you seem to be saying that you don't like having intercourse while wearing a condom."

CABBIE: "Yeah, man. Dat's for shit. A condom on your cock is for shit shit! Dat's like sucking on a candy with the wrapper still on. When you're in the poosie YOU GOTTA FEEEEL DA JUICE! Mmmhh."

I think he then began espousing on the secret to happiness having something to do with being able to afford a nice car, a cute girl and someplace good to go for dinner. Then he quickly switched topics. I got the sense that he just wanted to talk so Seth and I just let him go.

I had this one girl in my cab and she says to take her to the Saint Francis Hotel and can I come get her in one hour, right?! So you know she's selling her trim trim. I mean I drove her to a few places and she was telling me how much she charges these guys like thousands of bucks right because some of these rich guys they will pay whatever for good trim. For her it's like popping a champagne cork but instead of a big gooey load coming out it's money for her. She's sucking up the money. She got a mouth full of money.

We got out of the cab and I told Seth that Taxi Cab Confessions had it all wrong. The real show would be putting a camera on the cab driver and just letting them rant.

I'd like to think that there was a deep philosophy behind the notion of "feeling da juice." A philosophy that embraces the world as it truly is, and the importance of not shielding oneself with a protective or insulating layer. How it is crucial to truly and fully experience all that life has to offer. That's really giving our cabbie too much credit. He just has very strong feelings about how he likes his "poosie."


MelbourneGirl said...

i was going to make a comment about how much i like the word "eschew" and how underused it is these day.

then i came up to the feeling da juice part, and i forgot about eschew.

Joe said...

I just stick my johnson in a Slurpee.

kranki said...

MG, Please use eschew in a sentence to receive full blog comment credit.

Joe there is no juice in a slurpee and you could be exposing yourself to shrinkage and possible frost nip.

But I reckon you could go for a long time* if you iced your nob.

A long time of cold and unpleasant interhumpage.