I know that the title sounds like a porno starring Tom Cruise and Arnold Schwarzenegger and I'm sorry for putting that image in my head, and now, yours.
I'm really not the boldly go where no man has gone before explorer that I pretend to be, however when a friend of mine invited me to check out something called Dorkbot taking place at The Porn Palace my curiosity was peaked.
It was basically just a bunch of nerds getting together to drink and show off different robots that they'd constructed. Some were big, boring, chunks of welded metal that looked like some over-sized Frankensteinesque remote control car. And the robot doesn’t do anything? Cooll! Oh goodie they have slides of them building it in the garage… joy. They talked for what seemd forever and the most interesting part of the entire "talk" was the fact that one of the women had the last name Flybutter. Is that butter for flies or butter made out of flies? Fortunately there were some brilliant guys from Austria who were in town showing off some of their bartending robots. The cocktail making robot we got to meet was called Cockbot I. I'll give you a moment to giggle. Are you ready to read on? Okay, so this particular Cockbot mixes and pours martinis. I should also mention that the robot can read your mind. Really? Yes, really. It actually hooks up to electrodes on your head, reads your brainwaves and displays them with 3D graphics on a screen. The higher your alpha waves the dryer it makes the martini. It was simply impressive. After that some electrical engineer guy came out and did the most boring PowerPoint presentation I've ever seen. How one can make a presentation on cutting edge, computerized sex toys boring is beyond me. Just trust me when I say that this guy was the James Bond of boring sex toy chat. He was full-on 007 License to Kill a fun gathering. He does have a damn fine website. As the crowd was slipping off to escape, somebody at the Porn Palace broke out the Big Guns. I was not prepared.
I think the simplest way to explain it is to imagine taking a giant vibrator and hooking it up to the engine of a monster truck. If you can imagine that then you're on your way to grasping what a fucking machine is. When our host at the Porn Palace offered to give private demonstrations we all chuckled. Then I realized that was his business and he was 100% serious about the private demo offer. I like to consider myself to be curious and open minded so I quickly finished my drink and scurried out of there as if somebody had just offered to anally violate me with a massive robot-- which they had.
If you want to see some pictures of the Robo-Love-Makers you can click here at your own risk. Help yourself. I find these things scary so I’ll be hiding in my happy place rocking back and forth in the fetal position, far from the penetrating reach of the machines.
I think the simplest way to explain it is to imagine taking a giant vibrator and hooking it up to the engine of a monster truck. If you can imagine that then you're on your way to grasping what a fucking machine is. When our host at the Porn Palace offered to give private demonstrations we all chuckled. Then I realized that was his business and he was 100% serious about the private demo offer. I like to consider myself to be curious and open minded so I quickly finished my drink and scurried out of there as if somebody had just offered to anally violate me with a massive robot-- which they had.
If you want to see some pictures of the Robo-Love-Makers you can click here at your own risk. Help yourself. I find these things scary so I’ll be hiding in my happy place rocking back and forth in the fetal position, far from the penetrating reach of the machines.
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