Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Nostalgic for Boredom

Well, you're obviously here at my blog because you are bored. I know that's why I come here.

Yes, I know. You probably think that my life is all action-packed swashbuckling, battling the forces of evil and getting hand jobs from beautiful, Norwegian flight attendants at my villa in Rio. Well 99% of the time it is. But... sometimes it's good to remember your humble beginnings. So that's what I do. It helps me appreciate what I have now. I think back to a time before I was a blog rock star who had the world on a silver string and wore solid gold diapers (for those lazy days when you don't want to reach for your diamond encrusted bedpan)

I give the servants the afternoon off. I cancel all my appointments, endorsements and appearances. I send my harem over to stay at my mom's house and watch Oprah, and I give the dogs fifty dollars to take themselves out to dinner and the movies. Then I just sit there. I sit in silence until I'm bored. That's when I come here to write. That way I never lose touch with what it feels like to be an ordinary, bored guy in front of a computer. I wait till that feeling totally sinks into my pours. I let it seep through my skin and through my bones and into my marrow. I just focus and then finally my mind connects with that special place and I achieve a state of....

Wow, that was powerful. You see. That is exactly how I do it.

I feel that I've reconnected enough with the boredom and I'm going to leave you now. I'm going to have a bite of crackers with caviar that I have flown in hourly from the Ukraine, wash that down with some Dom and fresh orange juice. Then I'm getting into my custom painted, cherry-red time machine and travelling back into the past to have sex with famous women from history that no living man has ever bedded. Jealous? Fear not. I collected some video links that are kinda weird and amusing for you to watch.

Here they are! Some fun videos for you enjoying enjoyment. I hope you enjoy them.

Sifl and Olly "Genius in a box"

The Landlord

Prank backfires just a wee bit.

Beat Box God

Mr Sprinkles


Does anybody know if Cleopatra had syphilis? Seriously. Do you? Something doesn't feel right down there. Hmmm, maybe I got it from Eleanor Roosevelt?


Joe said...

Where would the internet be without "ordinary bored guys in front of a computer"?

There wouldn't be any porn, that's for sure.

Lucyrogue said...


There's porn on the internet?

Guys look at it when they're bored?

You boys are crazy.

Can you send me a golden diaper with my The Gap garment?

kranki said...

I don't know what Joe is speaking about. I usually use the internet to network with my cyber bible group.

Did you want a used golden diaper or unused?

MelbourneGirl said...

i looked at them all. i liked the landlord and superhawk best. superhawk made me laugh out loud and i had tears as well.

good job kranki.

what's "porn"?