Thursday, March 29, 2007

Spawn of the Crocodile Hunter

I started to read an article about the Crocodile Hunter's daughter getting a TV show of her own and I thought it was great. Exploitative and capitalizing on the fame of her dead father like a hungry money leach, but still lovely that a tradition of harassing animals to amuse TV viewers is being carried on by the next generation. Then I saw this picture of Steve Irwin's daughter, Bindi. Yikes! I thought that having a retarded girl on TV might be an odd way to go. Seriously, doesn't she look as if she has Down Syndrome*? My friend and new blogger J described her as looking like Corky from Life Goes On. Maybe she was born a tad early. "She kind of resembles a cookie that you've taken out of the oven before it's fully cooked."

Thank goodness it's just a really terrible picture of her and she really looks like this.

A lovely young lady. Although... if you look at the picture too long you start to wonder if her hands and arms are monstrously large for her body. It's like she's got Popeye the Sailor arms. I wouldn't want to take a punch from those powerhouse guns of hers. I'm sure they will serve her well if she should need to pin a Croc's jaws shut in a close encounter. In the back of my mind I'm a bit worried that she too will have a fate like her Dad's when some benign variety of butterfly perches on her ponytail and she has some kind of allergic reaction to it's pollen. In any case they need to fire her publicist immediately. Nobody wants their adorable, young, aspiring TV star looking like a mongoloid with gorilla arms. I think it even says so in the bible.

*I've worked with kids with Downs Syndrome and they are wonderful and upbeat children, but I wouldn't put them on television. So please don't give me a hard time about ragging on the mentally retarded, you fucktard.


Anonymous said...

Dear Kranki
I think I love you.
Keep up the good work.

Lucyrogue said...

I bought her Exercise DVD.
I am now totally buff and (as you know) a hip hop dancing guru.
The girl is a genius.

Anonymous said...

I think they know she's going to be a rather butch and unphotogenic adult so they're milking her for all she's worth now.

meva said...

The Irwins make me want to vomit on wild animals.

kranki said...

Dear Anon, I KNOW I love you. Go ahead and feel right there.

Lucy: Does I bet it's a sexy DVD experience. Does she wear a workout uniretard during instructional?

Meva: That would make a compelling fetish show.