Sunday, June 25, 2006

Wake Up Call

Today is the first blog of the rest of your life. Make it count people. Don't squander your first ammendment or whatever they call the Aussie laws that protect your right to opinionated mindless crap written in the guise of entertainment.

So, a few things I think are good ideas to make the world a better place.

1) A gigantic swear jar that everybody in the United States can use instead of making us pay takes. Why not tax the things we hold dear like four-letter expletives and angry rants of profanity.

2) Having ice cubes made from freezing the exact liquid in beverage you're drinking instead of water so that your beverage doesn't get watery like it does if youhave a Coke or an orange juice and drink it too slowly.

3) Reality show called "The Littlest Terrorist"

4) Training monkeys to serve as drivers for the elderly to avoid accidents. Obviously we'd only use the very smart monkeys to do this.

5) All the land in the world taken up by golf courses should immediately be made available for Live Action Role Playing such as Darkon. Golfers would then have the option of battling the "Realm" to reclaim their golfing rights. Young outcasts from mainstream society battling wealthy aging golfers armed with clubs and carts is an idea whose time has come.

Any spelling or grammar errors you find have been intentionally left to enhance the realizm of this blog and call attention to American Imperialism.


elaine said...

When I grow up, I'm going to get a pet albino dwarf. He'll be albino kalahari bushman.

I'll keep him in a cupboard under the stairs and bring him out to clean and for special occasions.

Tuppence said...

I have well and truly been woken up.

jude said...

battling aging golfers sounds like fun, but do I qualify as a young outcast? I like The Nanny and admire nice manners. And I avoid spelling mistakes when I can. Am I just another cog on the dreaded Imperialist wheel?!?!

Durrty baztards!!! I'll go-kart you yet!!!

kranki said...

Elaine: That is a sweet plan for a slave. It all sounds perfectly healthy and legal and will be good becuase his little fingers will be able to clean those hard to reach spots behind the fridge.

You should also rent him out for bachelor parties so he can make sandwiches and hold the strippers clothes.

I can't help looking at your picture and wodering how badly it would hurt the special spot to do that down a bannister. I guess on a hot Summer Day it would be a nice way to cool if if it were made of metal.

Jude: You have some cog qualities but I think a desire to kill golfers automatically qualifies you as an outcase. Dust of the pitching wedge it's time to battle.