I can't tell you too much about my new job without giving away vital secrets that could jeopardize our national security. But somebody told me "If you stop blogging then the terrorists have already won." I may not be the biggest chest-pounding flag waver, but I still love specific parts of The United States of America. We have good movies and good pie.
I had this dream last night where Penny and I had this friend with two strange and skinny dogs. Then (what seemed like) moments later, I was carrying a black frog down the street followed by "neighborhood kids" and the frog proceeded to pee all over me. Thankfully when I awoke I hadn't wet the bed. I wish Freud were still around to tell me what it all means. But at least I have you. You wanna spoon? It seems that whenever I have "the thing" before bed I have very bee-Czar dreams.
What is the last dream you remember. Extra points for random and clearly made-up celebrity sex scenarios tacked onto the end.
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I dreamt I was shopping for furniture in an antique store (I own no antiques). I bought a Picnic bar, but then my sister ate it claiming it was hers. I felt the red mist before my eyes - it was clearly mine, dammit!
Then I woke up and wrote an abusive email to my sister. Bitch.
No sex, unfortunately.
Me and Mum had to stop these kids damaging the lawn bowls pitch before the plane came to take us all on holidays.
Nothing out of the ordinary I'm afraid. Just the usual Unisys [pegasus/unicorn hybrid] swooping down to offer me a lift back from the bars. I always remember these dreams rather explicitly.
"Wow, thank you!" I said.
"You're more than welcome, little pony" Unisys wisely uttered.
As we were flying back I saw the most amazing sites.
"Oh, look! It's a whale breaching azure blue waves in the twilight!" I sighed in ecstasy.
"Yes, and it's got a lil' baby whale with it, too! Awwww! It's a mommy!" Unisys giggled in delight.
What a pair we were, soaring through the dim light and discovering the magical world as it unfolded before our very eyes.
"Look, there's your dwelling little one" said Unisys sadly.
"So soon?" I moaned in agony.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. There are others I must help as well!" Unisys omnipotently stated.
After dismounting, I turned to Unisys to say my goodbyes... but what was this? Unisys had mysteriously/magically morphed into... who but... MARK RUFFALO?
"Yes, I am also Mark Ruffalo!" said the man now standing before me as a man where he'd once been merely a horned, flying, horse.
At this juncture, of course, we were about to engage in massive amounts of dirty naked time activities.
"But where did your horn go, Mark Ruffalo?" I innocently queried. "Hmm... good question, here let me, wait... just move a little to your left... good, now, um... get ready, set, JUMP!" he masterfully dictated.
[sigh]
After several hours of this, Mark finally had to go. Yes, there were others who needed him to give them a lift as well.
"Will I ever see you again?" I said out loud, when really I thought I'd whined it in my head.
"Yes, darling one. Whenever you have too much to drink, I'll be there!"
As he walked/cantered off, I said to his retreating back, "Thank you Mark Ruffalo! You are so much more than a crushable celebrity male icon with beautiful hands and eyes that burn through my very soul like the gaze of a very pervy devil/bartender!"
He chuckled, and turned to say whilst still in movement, "Remember this... if you drink I will COME... Come... c..."
[his voice faded off into the mist]
So, see, nothing out of the ordinary, just another--Mark Ruffalo is a horned flying horse who has just had his benevolent way with my drunken self-- kind of dream
And my friends wonder how I keep breaking my cell phones. Have you ever tried to take a picture, using your phone's shitty little camera, while balancing on a flying horned beastie?
It's really hard, yo.
I've forgotten the last dream I remembered. I'm serious. But I do remember it had something to do with a building that had several stories. Oh yeah, and then I bumped into Brad Pitt. Literally. In the physical sense of the word. Then we had wild, gratuitous, does-this-satisfy-your-urge-for-celebrity-sex sex. In the broom closet. It was awesome!
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