Baby Steps

Okay.

I have decided to attempt to refocus my energy on the Khronicles. Why the ill-fated comeback attempt you ask? It's because somebody took the time to come up with and call me by the pet name of "Krankelope." Which would be a close second to Krankiluphogus. I was also fond of Krankisaurus, and the endearing "Fuckknuckle." Although Krankisaures does sound like Kranki-sores, which makes me sound like I am an S.T.D.. Now while it is true that I am somewhat contagious and can certainly be irritating at times, I am not a sexually transmitted disease. I just wanted to go on record with that statement.

I have been in my top secret world of working as a _______ er, and it has been ruthlessly sucking the energy from my body and the funny marrow from my bones. It's been terribly difficult for me to switch between my PG job mindset and my NC-17 blogger mentality. You see, while some people are skilled at multi-tasking and can get many things done at the same time, I struggle with single-tasking. I occasionally find it difficult to drink soda and watch a movie at the same time. Yes, I am exaggerating, but not by much. I truly marvel at how my wife, Penny, and others can design a detailed blueprint, eat dinner, follow the plot to a complex movie and polish her toenails simultaneously. If I simply sip my Cherry Coke for too long I am likely to have no idea why that one guy in the movie just stabbed that other dude. It is a sad state of affairs, but it is my reality and I accept my handicap. Perhaps somebody wants to start a charity to raise money for the Multi-Task Impaired. I can picture Susan Sarandon doing some type of telethon and dragging me on to demonstrate how woefully inept I am at... (insert any ing verbs in the blank spaces) _________ and _________ at the same time.

Please send your suggestions for the verbs or verb phrases to me so that we can all titter at how funny you are... In a gay Mad-Libs sort of way.

A portion of all comedy proceeds will be donated to the M-T I foundation and to help my flacid and homeless ego.

Some suggestions just to help prime your pump*.

running, sleeping, belching, typing, humming, walking, chewing, swallowing, fucking, blinking, sunbathing, showering, thinking, talking, driving, urinating, sewing, butchering, insulting, governing, existing, throwing, cooking, monkey wrestling, berating, spelunking, vomiting, masturbating, uni-cycling, snorkeling etc...

* Yes, your suspicions are correct. The phrase "prime your pump" does strongly suggest that I am flirting with you.