Puppy Love or Tiger Beat Passion?

Boys, Boys, Boys!  Oh Boy.

My darling wife, Penny foolishly showed me these old clips she saved from when she was a pre-teen girl with raging hormones. 

Penny: "Just promise you won't put them on your blog, okay?" 
Me:  Of course.  I promise.  (Long Pause)  Can I just put a few on there?
Penny:  (Withering Stare) "No."
Me:  "What if I just use River and Johnny?"
She grumbles and nods.  Cursing herself for being duped into loving me because I owned two cute puppies.
 
Oh, she just loved River and Johnny. "Oh, if only they could just merge into one boy who would whisk me away from my parents who are so stupid and don't understand me." I have this image of Penny at around age 12 gazing longingly at her favorite River and Johnny pictures. Pouring over the in-depth articles as she practices kissing on the back of her hand. Actually, I think she was kissing actual boys by that time.  I was the dork on the East Coast sitting in my Grandma's livingroom, playing Dungeons and Dragons for twelve hours every day with my two friends and making mazes for my hamsters during D&D downtime.  So who the hell am I to make judgments?!  I'm lucky Penny decided to give me a second glance.  She's put some serious work into me. Although, now that I think of it, I remember I did have some pin up pictures of my own. 

You see there were these enterprising young kids at day camp who brought in what we called (in hushed voices of awe)... "The Naked Lady Magazines." They would sell one centerfold picture for four dollars!  Maybe even five if it was a blonde with big boobies.  It was our crack cocaine.  We had to have them.  What an enterprise they had going.  They'd just take their dad's magazines and get close to 30 bucks per magazine, selling them off picture by picture.  Remember, we're talking 1987 dollars here. They even offered a frequent buyer discount.  Their fathers were too embarrassed to confront them.  Could you see Dad at the dinner table.  "Say Justin, pass the peas.  That reminds me... Have you seen my Hustler and Penthouse magazines?  You know the ones that I keep in my sock drawer?"    I was a curious young boy without any older males to guide me.  I needed these centerfolds.  I went without buying ice cream and soda for a few days and about 18 dollars later I had a good number of nudie pictures.  Now what?  Clearly the best thing to do was to hang them up in the storage closet and have my neighbors and the boys on my block pay me two dollars each to take the gallery tour. I think I just about broke even. I lived with my aunt and she discovered my secret gallery. Maybe having a half dozen kids running around and giving me money was a tip off that something was amiss. My aunt was surprisingly cool about the whole thing considering there were boys and hormones rampaging through the house. And of course with no sexual outlet for this sudden rush of energy and blood flow, the boys did what young horny boys do best. They turned their frustration into anger and began wrestling on our lawn. I had intended to tease my wife about her Teen Beat, 16, Bop and Wow magazine collection but once again I've only managed to embarrass myself. Well, here are some pictures. Penny only went for River Phoenix and Johnny Depp but I just had to throw some of these others into the mix. Personally I think Peter Delouise is super dreamy. How could sex with Dom Delouise not result in something magical.  

Penny says  "21 Jump Street rrrocks!"