Monday, January 08, 2007


The Origin of Loudspeak

A few years ago my friend Lars and I were in Starbucks. Yes, that Starbucks, the one on the corner near the bank. We were a bit bored so I began "loud talking" to amuse myself. It wasn't incredibly loud that it would be obvious or obnoxious but it was louder than normal and very clearly articulated so that anybody standing nearby was able to hear. We chickened out pretty quickly but over the years we have gotten bolder and better.

A fun way to kill a half hour doing this is to go into any public building with an elevator. It works best if you are very well dressed. The key is success is to be fearless, casual and good at improvising. When a few people get on and doors close you wait a moment for the standard elevator silence and then you begin your conversation. You take turns asking questions and the first person to start laughing is the loser. It's harder than it sounds.

Your friend: "So what did your lawyer say?"

You: "He's saying that if we can prove that the blood they found under my fingernails isn't hers he might be able to have the charges reduced to manslaughter... Oh hey, did you still need me to drive you to the doctor tomorrow?"

Your Friend: "No, it was bothering me too much. I had to leave work and go this morning."

You: "What did he say was causing the pain?"

Your Friend: "It was totally minor, I had a really small tear on my anal cavity. That's what was causing all the irritation. He gave me some cream and said to go easy on the toys."

You: "Karen isn't going to like the sound of that."

Your Friend: "Neither is your wife. Is she still coming to the party?"

You: "Totally, she's been talking about it all week. She even bought some new lingerie."

Your Friend: "Awesome. That'll be off in five minutes. Oh, almost forgot. Can you bring that extra mattress and your blue futon? I cleared out the den so we'd have more bed space."

You: "Sure. Did you invite that cute blonde from the mail room? The big blue eyes, the pouty lips..."

Your Friend: "Good news for you. I got the RSVP this morning, so Carl will definitely be there."

You: "Sweet."

Good luck. I strongly recommend having a few drinks if you are a novice at Loudspeak.


fluffy said...

This game is genius. I wish I were able to play but I know I would lose my shit in like 2 seconds.

davethescot said...

I remember a classic we did of the loud speak, we were on a tram obviously liquored up, and very messy. When my friend says in all serious, "so do you think i'll be alright to drive the ambulance at work tonight".
A great game.

meva said...

Classic game! But I'd need A LOT of drinks first. Do the other people ever comment?

kranki said...

Fluff! The nice thing about doing it on an elevator is that if you lose your shit you just wait till a new group gets on the elevator and start again.

Dave, I think your game is called "I'm a borderline alcoholic" The idea of your mate driving an ambulance under the influence fills me with abject fear. I'm sure an ambulance has at some point been dispatched to an accident involving an ambulance.

Meva, sometimes people talk about us amongst themselves and once I did have somebody loudly ask me "Are you for real?" Another woman once said she was sorry for my poor fortune. A good way to start off playing is to begin by talking excitedly to your friend about some great invention or idea you think is brand new but already exists. "It's a pen, but it has the ability to be erased like a pencil. Isn't it a brilliant idea?!"