Friday, December 29, 2006

Khronicles Unexclusive: 16% of Stupid People Are Also Dumb

Gently Breaking News

In a new USA TODAY/Gallup poll published on Monday a record high 62 percent said the war in Iraq was not "worth it," and a record low 16 percent said the United States was winning, USA Today said.

Wow! I think I actually heard the sound of scraping as they hit the bottom of the intelligence barrel. So 16 % of those surveyed said we were winning the war. This must be the same 16% that can't read, don't own televisions or radios and sleep amidst their own feces. This 16 percent may not be aware that the first Gulf war with Iraq is over. Or perhaps they are still confident that our boys will pull out a decisive victory in Vietnam. But then again how smart can I be considering I read USA Today. I like the pretty color pictures. I hope they can create scratch and sniff news so that we no longer have to do all that hard reading of the words in the sentences. You'd simply scratch the picture of the news item and you could just smell the world events.

Pictured above are Floyd, Boyd and Lloyd outside Liquor Barn in Cowtippinton, Alabama.

The trio expressed their minority view that "The US of Fuck-a-duckin' A is totally whooping the turbans off them there ass-breath, camel-jockey turd lickers." "Terrorize this!" added Lloyd.

President Bush has commissioned the triumvirate to conduct and lead a second Iraqi Study Group. According to President Bush he is looking for "Sumthin with a fresh perspectivity that doesn't have so many fancy ideas." As he boarded Air Force One Bush added "We're doing, like, a war here folks, I don't have time to be reading big long-wordy reports. I got alotta presidentin' to do."

1 comment:

BEVIS said...

I read the exact same article, only mine included a picture of Bush entering Air Force One after giving that final quote and bumping his head on the top of the door frame. He was so surprised, the piece of straw fell out of his mouth!