One, Two, Three Many Drinks

"A man has got to know his limitations." Anonmyous

Unless of course he's as drunk as I was this Saturday night.

When you are at a party and you go to make yourself another drink you may discover that the ice cubes are all stuck together in one solid block. It is not advisable to make a fist and then punch the block of ice as hard as you possibly can in an effort to break them up so you can put them in your drink. Also don't hit it five times because the only silver lining to that activity is that when your hand starts to bleed and swell, you are able to immediately ice your injury. Also I was lucky because I'd had so many drinks that the pain was greatly dulled. That's thinking ahead. "Always be Prepared" I would have made a first rate Boy Scout.

I'll get you next time Vodka. That's not a threat that's a promise.

I'll also have to tell you about this little skanklit. It was a casual outside party chatting and drinking, but this girl is in her spandex haltertop with the belly cut out with some brand name in huge letters across the front is not just dancing, but grinding on this drunk guy at the party. This little Brittney wannabe was wearing enough makeup and thick blue eyesshadow that her face would stop a bullet. She wasn't even tall or coordinated enough to make good tips as a stripper. She'd get coins instead of bills tucked into her thong. So we named her Brittany Dimecrotch. We enjoyed talking loudly about her while she stood right next to us.

And then three was Zora, (her real name) the dog that liked to fetch rocks. She would fetch anything you'd throw for her. I wanted to throw my car keys, but the party was a bit crowed by them. Instead I found a twig and threw in under Dimecrotch's leg hoping there would be a bitch collision. SInce you don't know what happened let's just pretend that Zora ran under Dime's legs and she fell onto the concrete but thanks to her protective Maybeline face-coating.

I also had to send my wife in to save our friend Wess from this stand-up comic chic who came across like Margaret Cho's less talented cousin. Now that I'm married I pride myself on being a good wing man who can lock in on the bogies and bravely send my wife over to scare the pushy girls away.

All said it really was a good party and my hand is healing nicely. I think that soon it won't even hurt when I type.